Internet dating has made finding love easier for many people, yet many people also find that it has made it easier for daters to lie.  This isn’t to say that there hasn’t always been a lot of lying in the world of dating, but when you meet someone over the internet it easier for them to lie to you than if you had met them through a friend (or even a friend of a friend.)  Now of course if the relationship progresses, it becomes more difficult to lie and the truth often gets revealed.  The problem is that most women don’t want to find out many dates later that the guy who listed “divorced” on his profile is actually newly separated,  they want to be able to figure it out on the first date.

This brings me to today’s topic of body language.  It’s not surprising that many of us believe that if we just understand more about body language that we could become walking lie detectors and never have to wonder if a person is lying ever again.  We see body language experts all over TV, who specialize in telling us what politicians “really mean” when they’re giving speeches as revealed by their body language.  There are also are those great crime shows where the lead investigator is able to conclude that a person is guilty or innocent despite misleading evidence because they carefully observe the suspect’s mannerisms.  So, is it really that simple?  Cross check your date’s behavior against “classic lying behaviors” and you can interpret the meaning behind their words?  Well, to find out I asked a variety of body language experts to help me identify the most common behaviors that indicate that someone may be lying.

Body Language That May Indicate Deceit:

• Lack of eye contact, shifting eyes
• Sudden fidgeting
• Move back or turn away while speaking
• Stiffening of posture
• Quicker breathing

With that said, there are still some precautions that you should be aware of when you are observing someones body language.  So here are some qualifiers that our experts thought that you should be aware of before you break out the body language books and proclaim yourself an authority on spotting a liar through these techniques.

Things to Take into Consideration When Observing Body Language:

Don’t Be Too Hasty-  Body language that frequently indicates lying, like lack of eye contact and fidgeting, still need to be put into the context of the situation.  Some people show these behaviors when they are nervous, which is common on the first few dates for many people.  If you notice that someone is fidgeting during the entire date, it is more likely that this is from nerves rather than indicating that they are lying about everything that they say.  Which brings us to the next interpretation tip.

Look for Patterns-  Body language experts often observe a person in a variety of situations before they start interpreting what their body language means.  For example, in those great videos when we hear experts interpret what a politician’s body language revealed about parts of his or her speech, the expert will have first watched several speeches by this person to look for patterns as to what topics are being covered when they exhibit various behaviors.  Not every behavior means the same thing for every person.

Deciphering Body Language is Not Mind Reading- It is tempting to want to proceed with interpreting the facts behind the lie once we feel that we’ve determined that someone is truly lying.  For instance, lets say you’ve determined a pattern of behavior that indicates lying every time a man speaks about being divorced.  We may want to jump to the conclusion that he’s not really divorced, but that is a big leap to make.  For example, I have a friend who gets very uncomfortable when talking about being divorced, because she’s been divorced three times.  Now that may or may not bother someone who dates her, but it’s a far cry from someone assuming that she is still married and looking for some action on the side.

So, with all of the precautions in place about not getting carried away with what reading body language can tell us about whether a person is lying, it is definitely something that you should take the time to observe.  Many experts state that as much as 90% of what we communicate is done through our body language rather than our words.  Body language interpretation is not fool proof and you will still need to ask many questions to really find out about a person,  but it can point you in the right direction as to which questions are most important to get answered for the particular person that you are trying to get to know better.

I’d like to thank the following body language experts for their insights.

Author Barry Maher of BarryMaher.com

Speaker, Linda Talley of Body Language Blog

Dating Coach, Briddick Webb of Attractology.com

Speaker, Shari Alexander of PresentingMatters.com

What do you think? I’d love to hear your thoughts on body language.  Do you take it into consideration when you think someone is lying?  Please share your thoughts in the comment section.