find the one « LuvemOrLeavem Relationships

Why Try Speed Dating?

Monday, January 25th, 2010

When we first launched LuvemOrLeavem we still had a few people that needed to be convinced that online dating was a viable way for them to meet that special someone. These days, most of our regulars seem to have embraced online dating, and the big debate of “Should I try it or not?” has shifted to speed dating. Since we do have so many discussions that have popped up regarding speed dating, I thought it was time to revisit the topic and let all of you know about the basics of speed dating, what changes have taken place in the speed dating world and why people are choosing this method to search for their perfect match.

Although speed dating events take place in a variety of venues, there are some rules that are consistent across all the reputable speed dating companies and events. These rules have been put in place to make the event as comfortable as possible, to ensure the safety of the speed daters and because they are tried and true factors in what makes a speed dating event fun even if you don’t find a perfect match.

The Basics:

1. Registrants complete a registration form.
2. Information from registration forms is used to match up daters for a series of mini dates
3. Daters go on their mini dates with their matches, moving on to the next date when the time is up.
4. Daters must complete all assigned mini dates for the duration of the assigned time.
5. Participants cannot ask for or exchange contact information
6. Participants let the speed dating company know who they would like to be matched with from the event.
7. When there is a match the speed dating company will provide contact information to both people

Changes in speed dating:

Shorter Time Limits- The change that we’ve heard the most positive feedback about is that many speed dating companies have reduced the amount of time that daters spend on their mini dates. When we first wrote about speed dating, the average was close to 10 minutes, but now the average is 5 minutes or less. Daters had complained to us about how 10 minutes was an eternity if there was no interest from the moment you took your seat, so this should be a big incentive for anyone who has been on the fence about whether or not to give speed dating a try.
More Specialized- Speed dating companies do their best to match people by using their registration forms, but many are also running specialized events so that all daters have certain characteristics in common. For example, there are speed dating events for daters within certain age ranges, there are events for daters of specific religions, and there are even events that cater specifically to single parents.
More Venues- Although most speed dating events are held in bars or restaurants, there are also speed dating events that take place in bowling alleys, on golf courses and there are even “speed cooking” events where participants take turns preparing parts of a meal together in a commercial kitchen. If you have a hobby that you feel your future love must also enjoy, odds are that you will be able to find some sort of dating event focused around this hobby.

So, with online dating becoming such a common way for couples to meet, why do some singles choose speed dating? Here are some of the most popular reasons that our readers have shared for why they have tried or continue to try speed dating.

Face to Face- We get a lot of complaints from women who discover that their online date posted a photo from either 10 years or 30 pounds ago, so it’s not surprising that what people liked most about speed dating was being able to see the other person.
Can Learn Much, Quickly- Even if someone is totally honest in their profile, there are just certain things that you can learn about a person in a few minutes when speaking in person, which you my not learn after hours of phone conversations or multiple emails.
More effort- I would think that this is a bad thing, but a lot of women like the idea that the man had to make the effort to get out of the house rather than just sitting in front of his laptop. Women here in the San Francisco Bay Area seemed to especially appreciate that these men are willing to travel. Here is a quote from one such women “I went speed dating on The Peninsula, but I met a man from the East Bay. I figured if he could get here once he’ll get here again, unlike guys I meet online who act like coming out to the Peninsula is like traveling to the ends of the Earth.”

So now you know all about the latest trends in speed dating and why so many singles are willing to give it a try. Still not sure about speed dating? Come visit LuvemOrLeavem’s video page as we go behind the scenes of the country’s largest speed dating event. We’re sending video correspondent, Nando Rodriguez, to the Find Your Luvah event this Friday, January 29th from 8:00pm – 10:00pm (EST) We will be posting mobile video, Tweeting Live and allowing real time questions and comments. Come see what speed dating is really all about. We will also have permanent video of the event posted as well in case you’re not able to visit the site this Friday.

Please share your thoughts. As always, please use the comments section to let us know what you think about speed dating, or to let us know what you would like to know about speed dating when we go behind the scenes.

Tags: find love, find the one, speed dating event, what is speed dating, why speed dating
Posted in dating | 14 Comments »

The Biggest Dating Mistake Women Make

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

Although there are many types of dating mistakes that women share with us, the mistake of dating a man exclusively too soon into a relationship is the one that is most often the real culprit that keeps women from finding that special guy. It may sound dramatic to call this the “biggest” dating mistake, but what elevates it to this level is that women often don’t recognize that dating exclusively so quickly is a mistake. This is a problem for both inexperienced and experienced daters, who not only make this mistake, but continue to make it over and over again. Here are some reasons why I think that women continue to make this mistake and why they need to break this habit:

Can’t See the bigger picture- Most women are great with details. After a relationship ends, women are likely to identify many of the details as to why that particular relationship ended. It’s important to recognize specific mistakes and to vow not to make them again, but it’s also important to see the big picture. A woman may realize that she was wasting her time with a man who wasn’t ready to commit, but this is just a detail about what is wrong with her dating strategy. The big picture is that it took her months to discover this about this man while ruling out all chances of meeting a man that was a better match for her.

Some things take time- You may need months of dating someone to discover the things about them that determine whether or not this relationship has the potential to last. In the example above, the big problem is not that it took months to determine that the man was not ready for commitment, the problem is that the woman didn’t keep her options open while she was making this discovery.

We often look down on women who date multiple men- When men aren’t dating any one particular woman exclusively, we may say that they are “playing the field” or give it some other term that shows approval. Woman who date in this manner are often described in much less flattering terms. Now of course if you are dating multiple men as you search for “the one,” you need to hold off on getting involved sexually with these men. First, you need to wait until you have been dating that special guy, who stands out from the others that you’re dating, long enough to determine if he has the characteristics that you want in a long term partner. Next, make sure that you are both seeing each other exclusively and are both looking at creating a lasting relationship, before you get sexually involved.

Women aren’t comfortable approaching this topic- Many women worry that a man will think that they are “slutty” if they let him know that they’d rather date a few men casually before deciding if they want to date one of them exclusively. Men actually seem to have a better handle on the concept that dating should be fun than women do, and many men complain to us that most women are looking for a relationship to become too serious too soon. Women need to keep in mind that even though their ultimate goal for dating may be to find a soul mate, they should still be having fun during the dating process.

More prospects = greater chance of success- If you’ve ever been in sales, you know that your chances of success are the greatest when you have multiple prospects rather than focusing all your time and energy on one prospect. I know that doesn’t sound very romantic, but the goal of finding a lifetime partner is even more difficult to achieve than the salesman who wants to land a million dollar deal. You would laugh at the salesman who only pursued one client after one meeting with them, yet we tend to see nothing wrong with the woman who starts dating a man exclusively after only one date.

So, if you are a woman looking for that special someone, or you know a woman who is searching, be aware of this “biggest” of dating mistakes. I’ve known many women that were finally able to find that special guy once they broke this habit of always dating exclusively. Instead of dating one or two men over the course of a year, they had the chance to date many men and compare the potential that they all had for becoming that lifetime partner.

What do you think? Do you think that dating should be exclusive? Or should it remain casual until you have enough time to decide if this is a person you want to date exclusively? Please share your thoughts in the comments section.

Tags: dating exclusive, dating problems, find my soulmate, find soulmate, find the one
Posted in dating, find love | 17 Comments »