I’ve written extensively about technology harming our relationships, and my ideas have been met with an equal number of readers that agree and disagree with me. My main concern is what happens to our relationships with the people that are most important to us when we send a text instead of seeing them in person, or when we are texting someone else when we should be giving our undivided attention to the person that is right next to us. I have to admit that I never thought much about the benefits that technology can provide during the early stages of a relationship when we are still getting to know a person and are trying to evaluate whether this relationship has the potential to become serious.
The person who really got me thinking about how use technology in a developing relationship is our newest Advice Panel video blogger, Mike the Master Dater, who has written the definitive guide about dating and texting. Not being one to text, I was surprised to find that as I read about how Mike uses texting that I could actually appreciate that it can be a valuable way to communicate, especially during that getting-to-know-you stage of a relationship.
So, what value can texting add to a developing relationship? And what it can it do for you that you can’t accomplish with a phone call? While talking on the phone is still part of the dating ritual during that flirting and getting to know you stage of dating, there are many potential pitfalls to talking on the phone. In fact, on LuvemOrLeavem we often hear about mistakes that women have made during phone conversations that they wish had never taken place. After going reading through many of these phone conversation horror stories and reading through Mike’s tips on dating and texting, I’ve compiled a list of features that I think make texting more appealing than speaking over the phone for a variety of dating situations.
Your Voice Conveys Emotion- When we want to very clear about how we feel about something we usually want to do so by phone. For example, when I tell my husband that he must be home soon because the kids are wild I do this by phone because my voice conveys that urgency (as do the screaming kids in the background.) Of course when you’re telling a guy that you’re just getting to know that it is “all right” that he can’t go with you to a party tonight, you probably don’t want your voice to convey just how disappointed you are. Let’s face it, it doesn’t matter how you word it as you try to sound casual, he will know how you really feel.
Most of Us Can’t “Wing It” in Conversation- We all know that witty person whose mouth can move as fast as their brain, but they are very rare. Most of us blurt out a reply when we feel that we are on the spot to answer, and then hours later our brain provides us with that witty reply that we wish we had thought of at the time. With texting you can take the time to formulate a response and maybe even think of that brilliant reply before you hit send.
Keeps You From Saying Too Much- Most dating coaches encourage singles to avoid revealing too much during lengthy phone conversations. In general, many coaches recommend that you not speak on the phone for much longer than is necessary to make the next date. They recommend this approach so that you save your most interesting stories and conversation topics for your actual date where they will have a greater impact rather than sharing all this over the phone.
For many people, especially women, it can be hard to stop talking once we get started. A simple “how was work?” can end up with a reply that gives a summary of an entire career. By the very nature of texting you will not accidentally spill your life story ahead of time even if you can make your thumbs fly across those keys.
Of course just like talking on the phone there are rules when it comes to texting during that flirting, getting to know you stage. The woman who stares at the phone waiting to reply instantly to a text from that new guy she met is just as bad as the woman who picks up the phone on the first ring as soon as she sees that it is him calling. Some of the rules in texting are the same as for phone calls, but since is it a whole different technology, texting also has its own special set of does and don’t s that will determine whether your flirting stage is successful or disastrous. To learn more about how to use texting to help your dating life visit Mike at MikeTheMasterDater, where he shares his tried and true texting tips as well as some very funny stories.
What do you think about texting and relationships? Do you text or do you avoid it in favor of calling? Please share your thoughts and stories in the comment section.
