Relationship Blog by Advice Maven
Archive for the ‘Divorce’ Category
Saturday, June 6th, 2009
 Recently, when I wrote about the different types of divorce parties, I touched on the variety of ways that women can heal after divorce. For some it may involve getting rid of every painful trace of the marriage, for others it may involve spending time with friends and still others may choose a new hobby or career that they never had time to pursue while they were married. The way a woman heals after divorce depends very much on her personality and the nature of the divorce.
At the top of the list for many of the newly divorced is a vacation for helping them to get past the pain. Of course with the high cost of divorce, a vacation is a luxury that most will not be able to afford. Well, there is a now a new reality show that is in the process of casting called “Divorce Getaway” where the newly divorced or separated will get that much needed vacation. Participants for the show will also have the chance to win cash and prizes, but most importantly they will be provided with resources to help them rebuild their lives and hopefully have some fun in the process.
Producers from Glassman Media are looking for recently divorced or separated men and women between the ages of 25 and 45 who are looking to rebuild their lives. There are many details of the show that are still in the works, but the participants will definitely be getting some time away at a five star resort. As far as reality show getaways, this sounds way better than having to build your own shelter and scrounge for food like they do on some of those other reality shows.
To apply for the show or to nominate some you know, email the following information to DivorceGetaway4@gmail.com:
1. Name:
2. Occupation:
3. City where you live:
4. Phone:
5. How long separated or divorced:
6. Short bio on downfall of the relationship:
7. Include the reason your spouse would say it ended:
8. Two Pictures
To view the official casting release visit the Divorce Getaway page at Glassman Media where you can also view videos of their prior projects. And of course if you do get on the show don’t forget to stop by and tell your friends at LuvemOrLeavem all about it.
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Tags: Divorce, divorce getaway, divorce news for women, healing from divorce, reality television
Posted in Divorce | 8 Comments »
Tuesday, May 26th, 2009
It seems that no matter how tired we get of talking about the economy, it’s still always on our minds. This is especially true of the women posting relationship problems on LuvemOrLeavem. It’s certainly not a new notion that money problems cause problems in relationships, but the economy is adding all kinds of complications for those couples that are considering divorce.
Financial Problems Putting Stress on Marriages- From bad credit to lost incomes and out of control spending, finances have always led to problems in relationships. Although financial problems can lead to arguing, and constant arguing can lead to talk of divorce, the problems that we’re seeing go well beyond this typical scenario. Fighting about money is still the most common situation regarding divorce that women are sharing with us, but the rest of the issues surrounding the economy and divorce may be ones you’ve never considered.
Couples That Can’t Afford a Divorce- When we think of divorce as being expensive, we usually think of millionaires paying out large divorce settlements. Divorce can also be expensive for everyday couples, especially when their finances aren’t doing so well. There are ads cropping up everywhere for law firms that are offering discount divorce packages, but legal costs are not the main worry for most of the women that share their stories with me.
Their biggest concern is how they will be able to afford separate living arrangements. Some couples just can’t afford to pay an additional rent, while others were planning on selling their house to have the money for them to each afford their own place. For many couples these plans have been derailed until they can sell their house or get themselves into a better financial position. Hopefully some couples may be able to work out their problems while they’re waiting until they can afford a divorce, but for many couples it is just an added stress and is prolonging the inevitable.
Divorced but Still Living Together- Some couples are determined not to let anything get in the way of their divorce, even if it means that they can’t afford to live apart. Exes are coexisting in the same house by moving into basements, attics and guest bedrooms when they feel that they can’t afford any other option. Aside from the obvious awkwardness of sharing a house with your ex, the problems of remaining under the same roof after a divorce get much more complicated when the exes are ready to start moving on with their love lives. It can be hard enough to convince a romantic interest that you are over your ex if the divorce is somewhat fresh, but if you still live together it’s nearly impossible.
Can a Rocky Marriage Handle a Move?- As someone who is pretty much a pro at being relocated, I can assure you that moving can cause tremendous stress on a marriage. This is especially true during that first move away from friends and family, but it is true of nearly any move. As jobs are getting scarce in some areas, people who thought they would never move are having to consider heading to wherever their jobs lead them or to areas where the job prospects are better.
Many couples that have strong marriages are not certain that they want to deal with the stress of relocating, but for couples that are already having problems the issue is much more difficult. Women fear that the extra stress of a move may be too much, or if the marriage continues to have problems after the move then they will be facing a divorce far away from their family and friends. Of course not moving if your spouse needs to relocate almost certainly means divorce, so for couples in very rocky relationships an impending move may be the final straw that pushes them to divorce.
Even though the economy is having wide reaching effects on couples considering divorce, current statistics aren’t showing any significant increase in divorce rates during this economic downturn. In fact some studies are showing that the number of divorces is decreasing, but only time will tell if these couples are really giving up on the idea of divorce or merely postponing it. Financial problems, like all challenges in relationships, will cause some couples to come together while they will tear other couples apart.
****Special Note- I would especially love your comments or questions on divorce and the economy since I will be doing an interview on this very topic with Divorce Guru Kim Hess on her radio show.
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Tags: cause of divorce, Divorce, divorce economy, divorce news for women, women and divorce
Posted in Divorce, advice for women | 12 Comments »
Monday, May 18th, 2009
Over the past year I’ve written quite a bit about divorce parties, but despite all my research I learned the most from the women who sent me their divorce party stories and videos when we were holding our divorce party video contest back in December. Initially, I couldn’t help but ask myself “why would anyone want to throw a party once their divorce is final?” It just seemed strange to me. When a friend tells me that she’s getting divorced I expect to provide help in the form of a shoulder to cry on, not in the form of helping to create a guest list and menu.
As I read the emails and stories from women who had held divorce parties or were in the process of planning them, I got a much better understanding of why they wanted to hold these parties. As I went through their stories and videos, I quickly discovered that just as divorces can be amicable, ugly, or somewhere in between, divorce parties also fall into similar categories. Here are the typical scenarios for divorce parties that were shared with me.
The Hooray It’s Over Party- The wildest divorce party stories and videos that I received fell into this category. These parties were a true celebration of the marriage being over and the divorce being final. I received videos of wedding dresses being set ablaze and women cutting phallus shaped cakes into very tiny pieces. It’s no great surprise that these parties stemmed from ugly divorces.
At first, I thought that this type of party was offensive because it so openly celebrated the divorce. After reading a story about an ex husband who fought to get the wedding china only to send it back to his ex wife smashed into pieces, I could understand her gleefully stuffing her no-longer-needed marriage license down the garbage disposal. The women who threw these parties still had a lot of anger about their divorce, and several expressed that being able to have a night of ranting about their ex was cathartic.
The Sisterhood Party- By far these were the most common types of divorce parties that women told me about. The focus of these parties was to let the newly divorced woman know that she is not alone. There was still the occasional destruction of the marriage certificate or burial of the wedding ring, but these seemed to be gestures of providing closure and moving forward rather than being angry.
It’s important for women to know that they have a support system after a divorce. The activities at these parties involved things like party games that focused on what the newly divorced woman could do now that her ex was out of the picture. At first I thought that was being awfully critical of their married life, but when I received stories from women who were worried about spending every other weekend without their kids, I began to appreciate how much these women needed to focus on divorce providing a new beginning rather than just being the end of a huge part of their lives.
The Solidarity Party- These were the least common party types that women shared with me. I’m sure this is because a truly amicable divorce is very rare. In these parties, the ex-husband and some of his family and friends also attended. The purpose here was to show everyone that they were going to remain on friendly terms and that friends and family didn’t need to choose whether they were going to ally themselves with him or with her.
All of these parties were thrown by couples who had children, and this seemed to be the driving force behind wanting to have this show of solidarity. They wanted their kids to feel that they were loved by both parents even though mom and dad were no longer living together. One couple even wrote “divorce vows” where they promised that they would not speak badly about their ex or make major parenting decisions without consulting their ex.
After having so much information about divorce parties shared with me, I no longer ask myself why anyone would do this. I prefer to hear about the parties that are amicable or supportive, but I no longer think any less of the women that throw a divorce party that is a celebration. As long as women find these parties helpful for moving forward after divorce I can’t fault them for the type of party that their particular type of divorce has inspired them to throw.
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Tags: dealing with divorce, Divorce, Divorce Party, end of marriage, women and divorce
Posted in Divorce, advice for women | 15 Comments »
Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008
First let me say that this will be my last post about divorce for a long time. Between the Already Left’em contest and the Divorce Party Song, I don’t want you to be on “divorce overload.” I do want to share some great divorce sites, products and news, so while we’re still on the subject here it is.
Stuff That’s Left Behind
Sister site of Ex-Boyfriend Jewelry, where you can sell all that jewelry that your ex-husband or boyfriend gave you. On Stuff That’s Left Behind you share stories about stuff that you are keeping or getting rid of from that old relationship. Stories are listed in categories such as: stuff he left, stuff from the wedding, stuff that makes you cry, stuff you received as a gift, and my personal favorite “Stuff that’s really ugly.”
Darn Divorce
The DWord Diva tells her readers that divorce can be painful and difficult but that it doesn’t have to be the end of the world. That is exactly the approach that the Darn Divorce site takes when it comes to news, articles, and videos about divorce. There is a section with basics about divorce and a place to ask your divorce questions but there are also sections devoted to divorce humor, celebrity divorces, and my personal favorite “weird divorce news.”
Wedding Ring Coffin
“Bury the past and move on to a new tomorrow” with the Wedding Ring Coffin. Your ring will have a first class burial in this mini coffin complete with mahogany or pearl finish and brass plaque. My favorite feature is the split lid so you can choose an “open or closed casket” option. The site also features divorce party invitations, a divorce party guide, and a cleverly written news and blog section.
Do You Want to Have Your Divorce Party on TV?
No silly, I don’t want to televise it (the video contest is quite enough for me.) But there is a new reality show that is looking for women who are willing to have their divorce parties televised. See ladies, I told you that these parties were becoming more mainstream.
So if you’re in the process of divorce, or have gotten divorced in the past year here are the basics for this show which will be airing on a major cable network:
“The women we’re looking for would love to plan or are already planning a party to “celebrate” their divorce…Whether it’s a ski trip with the girls to Vail, a trip to Miami with VIP table service and limos, or a girls’ trip to Vegas or the Big Apple, we’re looking for the right woman and her fun-loving group of supportive friends. If you fit the bill, email beckyscasting@gmail.com and tell us why you’d be good for the show, a little bit about yourself, a photo, and in which city you live.”
Final Thoughts
So there it is, the final installment (for a long time anyway) in what has become a mini series of divorce topics. Of course I have to end this with a final reminder that the deadline to submit videos for the Already Left’em Contest is December 15. So visit our contest page and get those entries in before it’s too late.
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Tags: divorce news for women, Divorce Party, women and divorce
Posted in Divorce | 5 Comments »
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