Relationship Blog by Advice Maven
Archive for the ‘dating’ Category
Wednesday, June 30th, 2010
 Last week’s post was about the types of men that women should run from, so now it is time to publish our list of women that should send men running in the opposite direction. Our Advice Panel vloggers also covered the topic of the types of women that men should avoid, and while the types are similar for both sexes, I’m going to point out the male/female differences for each of the similar types. Hopefully this will make these “women not to date” a little easier to spot. Here is our top 3 list:
The Gold Digger- This is the women who sees the man she is dating as a blank check. She is similar to the male “freeloader,” but the freeloader is often easier to spot because he is usually looking for a women who works so that he doesn’t have to work. The Gold Digger will usually have a job, but she has expensive taste that exceeds her means and she evaluates her man by what he can buy her. The poor guys who date these women find that once the Gold Digger drains his wallet she has lost all interest in him and is ready to find a new man to finance her expensive habits. If a women asks you for expensive gifts or only wants to go to very expensive restaurants and orders the most expensive items, then run, you have just met the Gold Digger.
Wants to Change You- This one was mentioned by nearly every man who responded to this question on Twitter. Now quite a few men felt strongly that all women want to change at least one thing about their man, and I much as I’d like to say that they’re wrong, I can’t quite say it with a straight face. The women in this category are different than the woman who simply hopes to get her man to dress a little better or hopes he’ll learn to appreciate the subtle humor that is found in a romantic comedy.
The women in this category are the ones who either want to change something major about a man or they have a laundry list of “small changes” that they would like to see you make. In either case, it will be much simpler if the woman who wishes to see all these changes will just find a different man. Let’s face it, if you make all of the changes she wants, you will not recognize yourself any more. Interestingly, this was the only item that appeared consistently in the lists from men about women and not once in the lists that women had about men. Mark Twain once said that women marry a man hoping to change him, while men marry a woman hoping that she will never change, so I guess this great writer knew what he was talking about.
Can’t Give You Space- In some ways, this women resembles the male stalker, but unlike the stalker, most men felt that these women acted out of insecurity rather than a need to be controlling. These women are not likely to stop you from going somewhere without them, but you are likely be pressed with inquisition style questions about why she can’t join you before you finally make it out the door. You may think that you’ve achieved freedom once you get out on your own, but it is not that simple. Be prepared for your phone to start ringing as soon as you leave, and when you do get home, get ready for the guilt trip.
The problem with these women is self esteem. They take it personally when you want to spend time without them and they view it as a threat to your relationship when you are apart. Many men fall into the trap of thinking that at some point these women will naturally adjust to his need to have some space as the relationship continues. Unfortunately, the fact that the relationship has continued is not reassuring to women with this level of insecurity. Over time she is much more likely to put more effort into restricting his time without her rather than reducing these efforts. If you enjoy your space and this type of women sounds like the woman that you are dating, then it is time to walk (or run) away.
So there is our top 3 list of types of women to run from based on feedback from all our wonderful male Twitter followers. We know that there are many more types, but these do seem to cover the complaints that we hear most often. If you find yourself dating one of these women, then consider yourself warned.
What do you think? Do you know women like the ones we’ve listed here? Do you have more types to add? Please share you thoughts in the comments section.
Related Post: Types of Men to Run From
Tags: female stalker, gold digger, relationship advice for men, types of women, women not to date, women to avoid
Posted in dating, relationship problems | 9 Comments »
Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010
 One of our recent topics for our Advice Panel Video Series was types of men to run from. Our group understood that it is inevitable that you will find some things that you don’t like about the man your dating, and over time you need to decide if the good outweighs the bad. Despite people being made up of both good and bad qualities, we all felt that there are certain bad qualities that can’t be made up for by any amount of good qualities. Here are our top picks for the types of men that women should run once these qualities are identified, rather than sticking around to see if there might be a silver lining to this relationship.
The Secretive Guy- No one expects a person to pour out their entire past early in a relationship, but it should also be a big red flag if a person can’t give you straight-forward answers to simple questions. We’ve received stories from women who have dated men for years and still don’t know what he does for a living or have never been to his home. If a guy won’t give you a straightforward answer about where he lives or where he works, then whatever he is hiding from you is something that would make you want to leave the relationship if you knew about it.
The Freeloader- Lots of people are down on their luck and have lost jobs over the past few years, but the freeloader is a whole different breed. In good times and bad times, this guy doesn’t have a job, and he often has a very complex reason for why it is that he can’t find a job. His story is so good, because it has been well rehearsed through years of practice. If he has never held a job for any length of time and his job search is being conducted while he’s on your couch eating your food, it’s time to send him packing.
The Negative Guy- We’re not talking about a guy who is merely having a bad day, we’re talking about the type of guy who is having a perpetually bad day. There are some men who just don’t have a positive word to say about anyone or anything, and over time this starts to wear on everyone that is close to them. As much as you may hope that this is a phase, if you have never seen the guy that you are dating in a happy, cheerful mood, then it is time to move on before you start to be as negative as he is.
Talks About His Ex- No one should spend any length of time talking about an ex when they are out on a date. Whether he has good things to say about his ex or bad things, this guy is trouble. It also doesn’t matter whether the break up is recent or happened years ago for the woman dating this type of guy. If it is a recent breakup, then he may get over her in time, but there is no point waiting it out. Walk away and if he calls you in a few months when he is truly over his ex, then you can always decide at that point if you want to give him another chance or not.
The Stalker- It can be romantic when the guy you’re dating shows up unexpectedly to surprise you. Of course if he regularly shows up unexpectedly to check up on you, or because he doesn’t want you going anywhere without him, then he has ventured into stalker territory. Once he’s entered the stalker zone, odds are that his behavior will become progressively more controlling. Walk away from these guys before it reaches the point where you start to fear them.
The Narcissist- Most people like to talk about themselves, but if your conversations are like an infomercial about how great he is, then you are probably dating a narcissist. If you can’t get a word in edge wise and you never get a chance to talk about topics that you want to discuss, then it’s time to go. People are usually on their best behavior early in the dating process, so if he is already dismissing what you want to say, then this isn’t going to change.
So, there are our top picks for the types of men to run from. If a guy falls into one of these categories, don’t be tempted to get to know him better. Relationships with these types of men are destined to be on a downward spiral. To be fair to the guys, our next topic will be “types of women to run from,” and I know that there are plenty of those too!
What do you think? Please share your thoughts in the comments section about the types of men that you think women should run from. (or let us know the types of women men should run from if you’d like to contribute to next week’s topic)
Tags: men not to date, men to avoid, types of men
Posted in advice for women, dating | 12 Comments »
Monday, April 26th, 2010
Every couple has a story to tell about how and where they met. My husband and I were recently asked about how we met, and we answered as we always do “the old fashioned way.” Most people nod and leave it at that, but if they pursue the details, we let them know that we met in a bar. Hey, bars have been around for thousands of years, so it doesn’t get much more old fashioned than that. Anyway, the biggest change to the way this question is answered these days and that more and more couples will reply that they met online.
This past week online dating giant Match.com celebrated its 15th anniversary. During this week they also released the results of a survey they conducted about where couples are meeting these days. We all know that more and more couples are meeting online these days, but the big question on the minds of singles is “are these couples who are meeting online getting married?” Well out of the 11,000 couples surveyed, 1 in 6 new marriages were between people that had met online, with online dating ranking third in the top six ways that people have met their spouse over the past 3 years.
So just for fun, let’s take a look at the top 6 ways that people are meeting their spouses these days:
1. Work/School- Office romances can be filled with complications. Many companies frown on these relationships, and of course there’s the dreaded issue of just how awkward work will be if you break up and have to still have see each other every day. For all those people who work in very small companies or in fields that are dominated by their sex, then work doesn’t provide many opportunities for them at all.
2. Through Friend/Family Member- I have to admit that this one surprised me. I don’t think that I know anyone that has had a successful date from being set up by a friend, let alone anyone who met their spouse this way. I guess there must be more people out there with friends who are talented matchmakers than the people that I know and those who send us love dilemmas.
The stories that I hear from women who are set-up on dates by friends and family usually leave them feeling that those close to them have no clue about what they are looking for in a partner. The definition of what type of partner loved ones feel would be “best” for you versus the type of person that you feel you will be able to love for a lifetime can be worlds apart. While they have our best interests at heart, it is nearly impossible for them to be objective because their priorities often place protecting us over encouraging us to take chances, and taking chances is always necessary to find true love.
3. Online Dating Sites- As someone who was married before online dating even existed, I can sympathize with people who are nervous about trying online dating. Of course something is going right for this form of dating that went from nonexistent to the #3 way that married couples are meeting in the span of 15 years, but for some people internet dating is still “new” and newness is scary for many people. I have to admit that after delving into this list, aside from online dating being an “unknown” to some people, it really doesn’t sound any more daunting than the potential pitfalls of meeting someone through the 1st and 2nd methods on this list.
4. Bars/Clubs/Social Events- Now if certain bars and clubs are on your list of favorite places to go, then these places can provide a fun and relaxed opportunity to meet someone because you’re likely to have fun even if you don’t meet anyone. Of course if you’re going to these places specifically to meet someone, then the picture looks a little different. The places with the most singles are often loud and overly crowded. Although some people do manage to make a love connection in these places, for the most part we hear women complain that they only seem to meet the most obnoxious of men at these places, and we hear men complain that unless a man is extremely aggressive, it is nearly impossible to get the attention of a woman at these places.
5. Other- These are the couples who met at a coffee shop, the supermarket, the gym, or any of the other places not specifically listed. If you don’t know anyone who met this way, then that’s not too surprising. Only 7% of the couples surveyed fell into this category.
6. Church/Place of Worship- Now if you do meet someone this way, you have the advantage of having something in common that is important to a long term relationship. Of course there are many reasons why only 4% of the couples surveyed met this way. For one thing, many places of worship are fairly small. By the time you deduct out all of the married people you are left with a small pool of singles to choose from.
Even if you are somewhere that has a large congregation, at some point in time you will know nearly everyone there. Like the person who hopes to meet someone at work, once you’re at the point where you’ve met nearly everyone, the only opportunities to meet someone depend on a small number of new additions, which are often few and far between.
So if you’re single and searching, then online dating should be a part of your plan to find a partner. If you’ve never tried online dating because you are scared to, then take a good look at the other ways that you are using to meet other singles. I think you’ll see that you needed to get up the courage to try these methods for the first time also. For those people who have tried online dating but are still searching for the one, don’t get discouraged. The search for “the one” involves meeting many people and going on many dates. There has always been drama and disappointment along the road to finding that special someone, and that is true whether you meet the majority of the people that you date online or through some other method.
What do you think? Does this list surprise you or is it what you expected? Please share your thoughts in the comments section.
Tags: find mate, marriage statistics, match.com, match.com anniversary, online dating, where to find a mate, where to meet singles
Posted in dating, find love, fun relationship facts | 9 Comments »
Monday, April 19th, 2010
 Love is a wonderful feeling, yet thinking about saying I love you for the first time usually stirs up feelings that are anything but wonderful. Unless you are the type of person that is just willing to take your chances by blurting out “I love you” as soon as the feeling strikes you, you will likely ask yourself some questions about if and when you should utter theses 3 words. Once we realize we have fallen in love, the relationship changes for us, but once “I love you” has been spoken the relationship changes for both of you and there’s no turning back. Here are some typical questions that we start asking ourselves when we think about declaring our love for the first time.
Does he/she love me too?
The biggest factor when deciding if and when to say I love you is whether or not you feel that this person loves you too. A lot of thought is put into analyzing just how the other person feels, and the likelihood of them replying with “I love you too.” No one wants to be met with an awkward silence, an abrupt change in topic or an “I’m not sure how I feel yet” after telling that special person that you love them.
Who Should Say “I Love You” First?
Whether it is fair or unfair, most women think that it is the job of the man to take this next step in the relationship by saying I Love You first. Even women who like to take the lead in other aspects of a relationship are likely to wait for the man to take the lead on this one. So the breakdown by gender is usually that women are left wondering when the man they love will finally say the “L word” while men are the ones that make the final decision on the timing.
When Should You Say I Love You?
Although believing that you are loved in return is the biggest factor of when, there are all sorts of other details to consider. No one wants to say these words “too soon” into a relationship, yet there is no set number of dates that defines too soon. Since we know that love alone is not enough to sustain a relationship, it is a good idea to look beyond your feelings and search for characteristics that are necessary to sustain a long term relationship. For example, if you’ve been dating for months but you feel that you don’t know much about this person, then you should wait before declaring your love no matter what your heart is telling you.
When Should You Say It Back?
The obvious answer is “when you love them too,” but love is not always that simple. If you know this is someone you could never love, then you probably won’t be tempted to reply with “I love you too.” The problem arises if you think you may love this person, but you’re not sure yet. Not saying it back will put a damper on the relationship that may make it very tempting to say it back even if you’re not entirely sure that you love them at this time. That’s not to say that you should say it back if you’re not positive that it’s love you’re feeling, it just means that it won’t be an easy decision.
With all the thought that most people put into saying these three little words for the first time, it’s a wonder that we ever get around to saying them at all. Luckily, even with all the thought that we put into the if , when and how of saying “I Love You”, we often reach the point where are heart takes over from our brains and we just blurt it out.
What do you think? Are you the type who normally says “I love you” first, or do you wait until it is said to you? Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.
Tags: i love you, i say love you, saying i love you, to say i love you, when say i love you, you say i love
Posted in dating, lasting love | 16 Comments »
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