One of the best things about love is that wonderful sense of optimism that it gives us.  It can make us feel that we can conquer the world when we have someone that can look at us, flaws and all, and feel that the good in us far outweighs any negatives.  Sometimes, a person’s good qualities are admired by all the people who know that person, but sometimes the person who loves them is the first to really look beneath the surface and see how wonderful that person really is.  There are even times when the person who loves us recognizes wonderful qualities in us that we hadn’t even recognized in ourselves, and these are all examples of why true love is so special.

On the flip side, there are times when we can be blinded by love to the point where we believe that a person is everything that we want them to be, even though in reality they are none of these things.  Sometimes there is a fine line between optimism and being unrealistic.  There are definitely times when we may see great characteristics in a person that you are the first to discover, but you need to take a very close look to be sure that you have really uncovered a hidden gem rather than being a victim of wishful thinking.  Here are some things to consider that may help you determine which category you fall into.

Has this person changed? We often assume that the people who have known someone the longest are the people who know them best.  Many times this is true, but these same people can also be the ones that least notice when a person has changed.  For example, let’s consider the guy who was the party animal all through college.  There are men in this category who will always act like overgrown frat boys, but there are also plenty of former party animals who grew into responsible family men.  I’ve known quite a few women who married men that were declared ‘the type who would never settle down” by their oldest friends who supposedly knew them best.  Luckily the women who loved them realized that these long time friends were seeing their man as the guy they had always known rather than the man that he had grown to become.

What is his track record? Even though I mentioned how people can change as they grow up, there is also a point in our adult lives where we have established a track record that is unlikely to change.   For example, the guy who dated many women during his younger days, is in a different category than a guy who has destroyed a string of committed relationships due to infidelity.  For that matter, the guy who has switched jobs during his career to discover the work that he likes best, is very different from the guy who has never held a job because he is still holding out for just the right one.  This isn’t to say that such a guy will never grow up and get a job, but it is safe to say that this type of guy is not suddenly going to get a job just out of love for you.

Actions are more important than intentions- We often like to think that our intentions matter much more than they do.  I hear people, especially women, make excuses for their partner’s actions all the time because they believe that their partner’s intentions were good.  They will dismiss partners who are rude or belittle them because “he didn’t mean to say/do that.”  It’s fine to consider intentions when he’s 20 minutes late for date “he meant to be on time but he hit traffic.”  It’s a very different story when you’re arguing that he means to treat you well, but for any variety of reasons he just doesn’t.  In these instances, good intentions are meaningless and you’re letting your feelings for that person raise these intentions to a level of importance that they simply do not deserve.

So, I do hope that couples in love will always to continue to see wonderful qualities in each other, especially those special qualities that are not always valued or recognized by the rest of the world.  Of course true love does not mean that we have to make up qualities that are not there merely to justify why we love this person.  It is only when we can take an honest look at a person’s good and bad qualities that we can be realistic as well as optimistic in the way we view our love for them.

What do you think? Do you tend to be optimistic or unrealistic when it comes to love?  Please share your thoughts in the comments section.