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Love Relationship Advice

5 Signs That He Won’t Marry You

After delving into the two main reasons why some men date women for years but refuse to marry them, I was bombarded by emails from women asking “how do I know if he’s just a procrastinator or if he really never plans to marry me?”  Now it’s true that women often bring up the issue of marriage more quickly than men, but as my friends over at The Guys Perspective point out, “when a guy is really interested in a woman he doesn’t play games.”  I think that this is really what the signs that I’m going to list are all about, they indicate that a man has moved into the realm of game playing so that he can continue to date her while avoiding the commitment of marriage.

1. You Have Been Reduced to Begging- For the woman who has been doing some serious hinting about getting married, it is often very hard to realize that conversations about marriage have been replaced with begging and pleading.  I’ve written many time about smart, strong women who don’t make smart choices in relationships.  Women who would demand a raise at work rather than begging for one somehow fall into a trap where they are begging a man to marry them.  If you have been reduced to begging, it is time to move on.  Not only does he not plan on marrying you, but the type of guy who strings a woman along like this is likely to move on to more complex stalling tactics that can drag on for years without ever tying the knot.

2. Waiting for the Right Time- It sounds very responsible for your guy to say that he will ask you to marry him as soon as it is “the right time,” but this is usually another stalling tactic.  I’ve heard all kinds of excuses for why it’s not the perfect time that range from men who want to wait for a big promotion at work to one man who wanted to make sure that his brother had enough time to grieve after his divorce before he was “forced” to participate in wedding festivities.  People manage to tie the knot during less than perfect circumstances all the time.  Nearly every member of the clergy has a story about a bride or groom who had to that hobble down the aisle after breaking a leg or having some serious injury before their wedding.  Remember these couples when you’re evaluating whether his reason for waiting has merit or not.

3. He suggests a “trial period”- Men who want to get married propose to their lady.  They don’t try to find a way to delay things by recommending that you have a trial period of living together “just to make sure that we’re compatible with each other.”  We get letters from women all the time who agreed to these “trial periods” and they’ve all either left the relationship or are many years into their “trial period.”

4. An Engagement With No Date Set- Many guys find that presenting a women with a diamond ring is a great stalling technique.  The men that have the financial means, can often get years worth of stall time with a large enough diamond.  If you’ve been engaged for more than a few months and you still don’t have a date set, then the odds of you walking down the aisle with this man are extremely slim.  The same goes for dates set two or more years into the future (see rescheduled wedding.)

5. The Rescheduled Wedding- This often starts out as a wedding date that is set for years in the future.  As the date gets closer (close enough to start making real plans) the date gets moved out.  Let’s face it, in all aspects of life we tend to reschedule things that we’re not looking forward to (like going to the dentist) and keep or move up the dates for things that we really want to do.  If you had a long engagement that was rescheduled as soon as it got close enough to where you needed to start putting down deposits with wedding halls, caterers, etc, then he is sending you a message that he does not intend to ever go through with the wedding.

So there are the 5 most common signs that he won’t be marrying you.  I have seen women struggle with these signs both in real life and in the stories that they share with us on LuvemOrLeavem.  If you are in any of these situations, then your time and energy would be better spent finding a new man who is ready to commit to you rather than waiting around for your current man to walk down the aisle with you.


75 Responses to “5 Signs That He Won’t Marry You”

  1. Denied says:

    I’m 30. He’s 58 and my first. Eleven years and two days and a ring into the relationship I see all the sure signs of cheating (for the second time in the relationship). After five years of co-habitating, no ultimatums, no pressure . . .in this moment I realize I’m a fool and I’m going home to tell him it’s over. I can’t even see straight and I’m EMPTY on the inside. If I were a different woman; I’d slit my throat. Instead I’ll thank God for seeing me through.

  2. Suzanne
    Twitter:
    says:

    This is such a smart post. The truth is when men want to be with a woman, they will move mountains. When they don’t, they hesitate over every little thing.
    Suzanne´s last blog ..New Happy Year! A Marital ResolutionMy ComLuv Profile

  3. petite says:

    I have been together with my boyfriend for 4 years now. We met while we both were studying abroad and back then everything seemed so perfect. After that year, we both had to go back home. We both agreed to stay together and to find ways to end the long-distance issue. So I came back home, finish my bachelor, apply for a master program in his country and got a scholarship. Perfect! I was now going to be in the same city as he was and our relationship could keep moving forward. At that point I really thought I have found my true love.
    It has been 2 1/2 years since I moved to his country, which means I´m almost done with my masters degree and I´m facing a crucial question : Stay in his country or go back home? I really love him, but it has been 4 1/2 years of relationship and whenever we talk about marriage, he keeps telling he is not ready for it and that he cant give me any promise of getting married right now.
    But he says he wants to get married and have a family, but he doesnt say anything about me. So I asked him to be straight forward and tell me if he sees himself getting married and having family with me or not. He has never really given me a yes for an answer, but keeps saying that he wouldnt have gone through our relationship for so long if he would think otherwise. He is a really nice guy and I love him a lot, but honestly I dont really know if he really sees any future with me and i really feel like I have the right to know. All ouf our friends and common friends are getting married and having children, and some of them are even younger than us. So all this makes me wonder why is it taking so long and if he really wants to marry me or if he is just waiting for the right one.
    The has several times offered to move in together with me, and my answer has
    been always no! bc living together and marrying is the same type of commitment!Also, he argues that in order to get married you have to see if it works out ( but by this time he should already know!) or that he would marry me if we had children. But this is not the way I want it to be, just getting married bc im pregnant is not fine! Please give me some advice, i´m so confused and i dont want to waste more time in this relationship if it is not heading somewhere (marriage), especially bc It is not my country and I wont live under uncertainty until my boyfriend decides when the right time is! Please help me!!

    • Been There Before says:

      You are totally right that living together and marriage is the same commitment for you (and it is not as big of a commitment for him.) If he doesn’t know by now, then he either isn’t the marrying type, or for some reason he has doubts about whether the two of you can make it last.

      Don’t live with him, and if he isn’t ready to commit, then don’t waste more of your time and energy on him. Life is too short to spend it waiting around for a guy who won’t give you the commitment that you want when there are plenty of guys out there willing to commit. Trust me on this, as someone who has been there and has moved forward with a much better guy.

  4. Tina says:

    I been living with my boyfriend for two years. We are both in our 40s, and both divorced after being married to our spouses for 20 years. He will not even talk about marriage & occasionally refers to his ex as “my wife” when talking about her. He says he will ask me in a year or two & that he is not ready yet. What do you think?

    • Janine says:

      I think this is so typical after moving in with a guy. He gets the benefits of the wife without having to get married and then what is the incentive to get married? I was in this situation too, oh we’ll talk about it as some point, I got tired of waiting for that point after all my friends around me were getting married and I wasn’t even allowed to talk about marriage with him. If marriage is what you really want, then he’s not the right man for you.

  5. Angie says:

    I just ended a 7 year relationship and was engaged 4 years of that. I did the same thing most do, think oh we love each other so much, he is so good to me, we have fun, our kids get along…well make a long story short. Now after years of hurting and begging, I finally have had enough. So, now he wants to get married, and I don’t. I lost respect for him, and without that, a man isn’t a man to me. He lost the girl! And, I look back now and can not believe I didn’t see my worth along time ago. Life is short, if you don’t want the same things, then you just don’t! Move on, go find your real soul mate, the one that loves you and doesn’t want to take a chance in hell losing you. It’s okay to say, I want to be a wife someday!!! It’s your life and right! Take your pride back!!

    • Editor@Luvem
      Twitter:
      says:

      Good for you Angie. You are so right about it being okay to say “I want to be a wife someday.” You summed it up so well about being able to recognize your own worth. That’s what makes me so frustrated with some of my friends that are still in the waiting cycle. They have so much worth, and most men would be thrilled to marry them. They don’t recognize their own true worth yet, which I guess is why they are so willing to forgive the men that won’t marry them for not recognizing their worth as well.

  6. As they say, marriage is the only reason for divorce, so why get married at all? However, I do agree with this article that most guys hand out the ring to stall the process. It is one thing to be in a relationship and live together, and quite another thing to get married. The whole marriage planning process is daunting enough to give guys cold feet!

  7. Rosiland says:

    Hi I’ve been proposed to twice by the same man. I know in my heart he loves me more than anything. So I would never question his love. But we are high school sweethearts. we got engaged three years after high school. He moved to Italy and we grew apart, so I broke off the engagement. Now over twelve years later I find him again. We talk for a month straight then he leaves his family and move out to California with me. we where still in love. I even left my husband. after the first year of being reunited he proposed but no date because his divorce wasn’t final. then two years go by and the divorce gets final with my help of course. So we set the one year away. I even had a expensive engagement party at a five star resort. Now this is where it gets complicated, one month before the wedding his ex-wife dies. So he has his kids living with him and everything is just terrible because he feels guilty, and now cancels the wedding and wants to grieve. I’m still living with him and its been six and a half years since we’ve been together I feel he is my soul-mate but I feel will never exchange wedding vowels and I don’t want to move on because I love him. I need answers please.

    • Julie says:

      So complicated, and it’s tough with kids because they are the #1 priority. This honestly may not work out until the kids are grown and have left home. Can you hang in there for that long?

    • I’m sure that he feels very guilty that his children no longer have a mother, but he was willing to marry you before she died and as long as all the details have been worked out for how his children will be raised and what your role as a step mother are, then it sounds like it’s time to move forward with those plans. Maybe he needs more reassurance from you about the role that you will have as a step mother now that you will also be the only mother figure in their lives.
      Tina T @ Love Relationship Advice´s last blog ..Bad Relationship HabitsMy ComLuv Profile

  8. Jimi says:

    Im with my bf almost 2 yrs,and I ask him before “will we get married?” the answer is “yes that I would try”…This is the second time Im asking him this question.
    Well he did told me he not ready FOR NOW…
    Do you think he will married me? Or he just need a women??
    Thanks I really need some opinion on it.
    =))

    • Marla says:

      I think that the only yes that really means something is a yes followed by a proposal. My guy used to tell me we would get married “one day” I waiting 4 and a half years for one day until I couldn’t wait any longer. Somewhere around 2 year seems to be the magic number if they’re serious about marriage. If it gets much beyond that and he doesn’t ask, then he’s just looking for a girlfriend, not a wife.

  9. robbyn says:

    I have been in a relationship for almost 7 years. We were together in the same city the first year and it wasn’t all roses and sunshine. We fought a lot. Primarily cos he wasn’t a big one for communicating at all. And he was pretty dismissive of all my concerns or all my expectations from the relationship beyond a point (to his credit, he did try his level best). But we also had many awesome times together.

    Then I had to change jobs and move to a different city on the opposite side of the country after almost exactly a year. A couple days after I moved when we were speaking on the phone he said something like “am missing you so much. i don’t think wedding bells are too far into the future” or something like that. Later that year, I went back home to my parents in the same city as him, our families met, and a wedding date was decided on in Feb the next year. Three days after I came back to my city, we had a minor squabble on the phone and he called off the wedding. We continued to talk daily however, even though he said things like “I am still not sure I want to marry you”…. This continued till April the next year and things kind of went back to being mostly sweet… I know I should have moved away then, but I didn’t cos I still loved him so much – enough that when he came to my city to visit him, the first sight of him would make me feel funny in my tummy.

    Early the next year, on my birthday(Feb), he took me on a surprise holiday to a seaside place, to a very expensive hotel, and the midnight before my birthday, on the terrace attached to our suite, he slipped a ring on to my finger. I was over the moon. We fought on valentine’s day…then made up that evening. And then left for our respective cities the next day. I started dreaming of a wedding all over again but it was silence again at his end. By around August, I realized that the ring didn’t mean we were getting married anytime soon. I was growing increasingly disillusioned and we started becoming distant. I should have moved on then, but I didn’t cos I still loved him so much.

    The following year, I met a guy (while I was still technically with my guy). My guy and I were at a real bad place, we spoke about how bad things were, but nothing came of it. We reached a place where our relationship existed as a mere technicality. We had met 3 times the previous year. I slowly started getting closer to this other guy to the point where we were in a sort of a relationship, but even then, I was unable to break it off with my guy cos a part of me still loved him. FInally this other guy walked out. All along, my guy knew of the existence of this other guy.

    Post that, my guy and I still have something that we call a relationship. We meet 2-3 times a year, speak on the phone once a day, most of the time we don’t have much to talk of.

    And I don’t really see marriage happening. After pussyfooting around the topic for months, I finally gathered the courage and broached it last Friday. We agreed that the fizz had gone out of the relationship, that we had a lot of affection for each other but there was no chemistry at all, as was evident from the last time we met each other (last month – our second meeting this year). But then he said he felt sleepy and could we talk tomorrow. Since then he hasn’t called.

    My sister who is my best friend, my parents, my friends, have all been urging me to resolve this relationship either way. Cos we have been at an impasse for years now. I hear them. But I am unable to bring myself to pick up the phone and suggest we part ways. (Giving him an ultimatum is not an option. He doesn’t respond well to ultimatums. And honestly, neither do I want to get married to someone at gunpoint).

    Everytime I think of breaking it off, memories of all the happy times we spent sweep over me and make me want to cry, and hold on to them, and hope that something will turn around. At the same time, this relationship has left me devoid of any hopes and dreams. I am 38, professionally successful, and feel like my life is over. That I have no dreams left, not even the right to dream. I never wanted kids, but I have always wanted to be married. I don’t know if I even have the right to expect it any longer. With him or anyone else. Though I am considered a catch by most men I know, and many are simply waiting in the wings, hoping that I will be single soon. I don’t dare hope or dream however.

    Honestly, I don’t even know why I am writing this here, but I felt like I needed to. Any input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

    • It sounds like you had some great times but that the best times are definitely in the past. It’s hard to leave someone that you have a history with for the unknown, but that’s the only way that you’ll be free to find the type of relationship that will give you long term happiness so that you can have a happy marriage. Even if you met someone wonderful now, you’d still be held back by the relationship that you’re in. It’s definitely time to move forward.

      As far as thinking that you’re life is over because you’re 38, no way, there’s plenty of time to find lasting love. We had a guest post a while back called “Getting Married for the first time after age 40″ http://www.luvemorleavem.com/blog/2010/04/30/first-time-marriage-over-40/ which was written by a smart, beautiful blogger who is known as the Late Bloomer Bride because she got married for the first time at 42. At one point she almost made the mistake of marrying Mister All Right rather than waiting for Mister Right, but she is very happy that she moved forward and found the one.

  10. #4 sounds all too familiar. I have a couple of friends who have been with their boyfriends for decades already, always giving out the excuse that marriage will come “soon” while showing off their sparkling engagement rings.Needless to say, most of those relationships ended up with either the guy or the girl getting married to somebody else immediately after the break-up.

  11. jennie says:

    I forgot to click on the notify me a response via email. Please do let me know about my responses thx

  12. jennie says:

    Well here goes…I have been divorced and it was pretty ugly about 12 years ago. I was commited to this man in every way had his child and he cheated on me and lied over and over again. I forgave him for the first time and found out all at once about the rest.7 other women including one that was in our wedding……..on to todays topic. I have found a wonderful man now and he knows all about my past and how hurt it made me. We have been together now for over three years and he tells me that he wants to marry me..Yet he won’t set a date. I do NOT want to pressure him but I am 33 now and would like to start a family before its too late. I don’t know how to get him to set a date and am scared that he is doing that comfortable relationship thing. When I asked him if he was looking for someone better he got upset with me. I am crossing my fingers on this one because he is truly a gem and I feel like for once in my life I can trust a man again to not utterly crush my heart with infedelity. I would love any advice you can give me. I don’t mind waiting and I damn sure don’t want to give him wed now or I will leave speech, but I don’t want to be his lifetime girlfriend with wifely benefits either. Thanks for any responses

    • LuvemOrLeavem
      Twitter:
      says:

      As much as you don’t want to give an ultimatum to him, the fact that you want to start a family does mean that you have a timeline whether you want one or not. I think that you need to level with him, that if he truly feels that you are the one then he needs to set a date or you will have to assume that he is not serious about getting married.

      We hear from women in their 40′s all the time who feel that the man that they devoted themselves to men who essentially “stole their youth” by putting off marriage and children until their childbearing years are gone. I know you don’t want to pressure him, but there’s nothing wrong with letting him know that you don’t want to be one of those women who waits it out until it is too late to have the marriage and family that she was hoping for.
      LuvemOrLeavem´s last blog ..Long Distance Relationships – Can They LastMy ComLuv Profile

    • Carla says:

      It sounds like you’ve tremendously upgraded the type of man that you give your heart to, but don’t let the fact that he is way better than the men that hurt you in the past keep you from getting what you want right now. You really need to think about just how long you are willing to wait, because to me, 3 years is plenty of time. I think he really needs to tell you what the heck he’s waiting for, and if he has no answer then it’s time to give him a deadline like “I want to be married by this Spring.” Good luck, but remember, don’t be afraid to get what you want out of this relationship!

  13. april says:

    I am 24, and my fiancee is 24. We been together almost 8 years and engaged 1 year. I want to marry him more than anything and he knows it, but what he keeps doing is telling me lies and playing with my head for past several months. he will say this is the set date, the the next day he changes his mind. this is going on months, where he gets my hopes up, then decides he don’t want to plan anything. he will only say he wants to marry me, but doesn’t want to plan anything. he is really playing with my head and all i am doing is getting hurt. i dont know what to do stay or move on. because its getting no where just being lied to everyday then backs down. about every week for the past 3 months, he says he will call priest to set things up and never called still after 3 months od lying he would call. do i move on or stay. i am to the point its getting no where and just having my head messed with.

    • LuvemOrLeavem
      Twitter:
      says:

      If he is so back and forth about this, he is in his own weird way letting you know that he is not ready to be married. Of course to you it feels like he is just totally messing with your head, and that is the effect of what he’s doing, but it sounds like he is trying to let you know that he’s not ready like you are without just coming out and saying this to you.

      From the stories that most men share with us about when they felt ready to be married, most felt that they were not really ready for this step until they were at least in their late twenties, so even though you’ve been together for awhile, it could be that he needs more time to reach that point. If he were 34 instead of 24, I’d say he is likely to never reach that point, but because of his age it is just not that clear cut.

      You’re definitely at different places in lives as far as what you want commitment wise in your relationship. If you feel that you have reached the point where the marriage issue is making you feel bad about your relationship more than you feel good, then you should move on, but if he is willing to be HONEST with you and let you know when he really thinks he’ll be ready for marriage (which is certainly not now) then depending on his answer you may want to consider waiting.
      LuvemOrLeavem´s last blog ..Great Relationships – Your Better HalfMy ComLuv Profile

  14. Amanda says:

    Reading all this makes me even more sad. I’m with you ladies when you say you want to just cry all the time. I’m going through a reel of emotions, I feel restless and have low self confidence about myself.

    I fell in love with a man who is 33 now and I am 31. We’ve been together for almost 1.5 years and let me tell you that the time you’ve spent might be a lot more but there is nothing I don’t do in the house where I moved in without any official discussion between the two of us., it just happened. I love him to death and I know he does too but he just won’t propose. Dunno why???? Especially when he travelled to meet my family and I met his in europe. I’ve spoken to his best friends over the phone as they are spread a across the globe. There isn’t anyone in our lives who doesn’t think of us as couple in a serious long term relationship. I’m in his talks about the future giving birth to our children , travelling, taking care of the house, doing things together basically but no plans of marriage!!!! I’m afraid coz he is from a different background to mine n he expresses he understands what me and my family expect now but then again doesn’t want to do it. He is not the type of guy who just likes dating random women, he also doesn’t want to be single n bachelor which he expressed when we both had an argument a few months ago but then what’s his issue???

    I’m depressed and I’m finding it difficult to be normal with him though he is being affectionate. He knows what is worrying me n what’s making me so sad and yet he wanted to just ‘discuss’ things which I don’t get. I’m losing my sleep and self confidence. I feel I’m not good enough for him, or anyone. I want to move on but finding it hard coz I just knew he’s my soulmate and what he has given me no one ever has. We both love each other but finding this situation to deal with very very difficult. I dunno what to do, I’m losing it.

    • Editor@Luvem
      Twitter:
      says:

      Now matter how much you love him, it is a problem that your relationship is making you sad when it should be making you feel great about yourself. I’ve met a few couples from other countries that didn’t seem to place the same emphasis on marriage that we do here, but he is seeing how sad this makes you and he needs to appreciate that this is what you need out of this relationship whether it is different than the beliefs he was brought up with or not.

      Think of it this way, if there was one thing that he wanted very much out of the relationship wouldn’t you do it even if you didn’t fully understand why it was so important to him? That is how he should view your wanting to get married. If he truly wants this future with you that he talks about with a house and kids, then he will take this step for you.
      Editor@Luvem´s last blog ..Should You Live Together Before Marriage VideoMy ComLuv Profile

  15. Debra says:

    Holy moses! Im seeing WAY to much on here about this (men and women are WAY on other planets).

    Here’s my blurb-I was MARRIED for 10 years (ok marriage-2 sons)..I started talking to my childhood sweet heart on Fbook. ONLY as friends. Through bad circumstances my grandmother had cancer-so I drove to another province (from Ontario to Nova Scotia)

    While here (alone for 5 days) my Aunt died to top it off..so I was stuck here another few days-as friends we were ALL suppose to go out dancing (on the way to NS my friends step- son had a stroke) and my cousin (the other “buffer” had a bad flu) and so we were left unchaperoned (its like the fates were determined).

    Now-Please know-The ex had the bucks, treated me welll, the whole nine yards (disliked his family though-sorry to say) ..now this “childhood sweetheart” comes from my dads same small town and they all know each other (I saw him summers I came up since I was 8 yrs old). Anyhow-one thing led to another up here-FAST FORWARD-2 1/2 yrs later-I lost my kids (only get visits), any financial stability my career as an actor (which was rising) and now have a 20 month old with him. I am (obviously) and sometimes I think STUPIDLY engaged to him-Here’s the kicker..I had to hint around and mope to get engaged in the 1st place (after all ive sacrificed)(after ALL I’ve done)-then on Thursday he tells me “well-I was almost engaged once” then clammed up and refuses another word on it. So now Im stuck in a hellhole town, no job, and a baby..and I dont think he wants to marry me (obviously he took it upon himself to ASK on HIS OWN someone b4) and when he told me about it you’d a thought his dog died!..anyhow-Since then my heart is broken-as well since then all of a sudden he’s saying “let’s go pick out my wedding band” in other words-temporary suck up-he backtracked about me saying no the 1st time (because I said I “coerced” him into it) so he made up some song and dance that him and a co-worker were talkin about him asking me weeks b4 I brought it up-so STUPIDLY i bought it. Anyhow-Im just gona focus on me..and you guys are SOOO right about not moving in an playin “wifey” it just set’s up the perfect playing field for them to play their little games-and basically get the “milk” without buying the “preverbial” cow!!!

    • Admin
      Twitter:
      says:

      Yes, the playing wife part does leave women saying “this way supposed to be the step on the way to marriage” while it leaves men saying “what’s the difference between what we have now and marriage?” Of course if they have to ask, it means that they are likely to never understand. Moving and feeling trapped is very common, but don’t let that keep you from getting what you want out of life both for yourself and for your baby.
      Admin´s last blog ..Interfaith Marriage- Can it WorkMy ComLuv Profile

  16. Tiffany says:

    I’ve been with my childrens father for about 5yrs we have 2 kids together 2yrs and a 2mnth old. he goes above an beyond for me all the time an he’s the perfect father to our children but when we 1st got together he was obsessed with us getting married so he said but now that we live together an we have children together it doesn’t come up unless i bring it up an i feel like i’m a bad re-run on tv i really want to marry him because i love him so much but when i bring it up he gives me a million excuses ex. we don’t have the money an i just want to give you what you want but we don’t have the money right now, now i understand what he’s saying but i told him i would be satisfied with a cheap little engagement ring for less than $100 an still nothing i’m so pathetic i bought myself a engagement ring twice just so that people wouldn’t look at me like a weirdo because i’m not married to him but we have children together an to make it worse an a self esteem killer both rings broke my finger out and he wore his ring a few times but now he doesn’t even know where it is because he stopped wearing it an his excuse for that is he doesn’t like wearing jewelry i’m 22 and he’s 25 i really don’t know what to do or think any advice anyone?

    • Editor@Luvem
      Twitter:
      says:

      It’s perfectly understandable that you want to get married not only for your sake but for the sake of your children. The fact that you have a child that is 5 years old leads me to believe that he will always have an excuse. If marriage is definitely what you want, then you need to consider your long term happiness. It may make you miserable for a while if you leave him because you do love him and he’s been part of your life for a long time, but that is still short term when you consider just how young you are and how many more years you have ahead of you. It sounds like long term you will be happiest if you find someone that wants the same things out of a relationship that you do–including marriage.

  17. jackie says:

    My boyfriend and I separated for a few weeks.. we got back together and he begged me to marry him right away. We have been engaged for 9 months and Everytime I ask him he gives me new excuse.. or he’s waiting finish his car should i stop holding,my breathe and just move on? It’s been 5 years and Im still waiting …. desperate for an answer..

    • LuvemOrLeavem
      Twitter:
      says:

      He obviously wants to continue his relationship with you, but it sounds like his proposal was motivated by his desire to hang on to you rather than a desire to be married. If marriage is truly what you want, then it doesn’t sounds like he is the right person for you.

      The man that you marry should be someone who is thrilled about the idea of marrying you. I think that it’s time to find someone who can’t wait to walk down the aisle with you rather than someone who is dragging his feet. Best of luck to you.
      LuvemOrLeavem´s last blog ..Can I Trust Him VideoMy ComLuv Profile

  18. Lameo9 says:

    I am going through a difficult time as well. I dated a guy eight years and lived with him. We broke up due to my career choice. I am a singer. I have a job during the day and sing on the weekends. my job during the week is not a 9 to 5 job. I make enough money to pay my bills and still live. We decided to part ways because I wanted to be a singer and he wanted a house wife. so the relationship ended.
    Then i met my current boyfriend. We fell head over heels. He brought up marriage not me.Long story short I thought we would have been engaged with in the first year. He kept teasing me about proposing. saying he was gonna do it. He told me we would be engaged by the time his sister got married. well guess what….def did not happend. So Im straight forward I asked him about it.I thought i did something wrong. After a little arguing he finally got mad and said if i had a 9 to 5 job than we would be married.
    SO here I am in another relationship where the man has a problem with my dream job that makes me happy. I can see if i was lazy and asked to borrow money and could not afford things, but that is not the case. soo im really hurt and disappointed. I really thought he loved me for me. He is so obsessed with worrying about money to the point he is letting my job be the decision maker. Say I get a 9 to 5 job and than he proposes. Than I get laid off! Than What! I think its insane. If we were married right now we would be living perfectly fine with both our incomes.

    so does he actually want me for the rest of my life? or does he just want another pay check? What to do? Im trying to not be narrowminded and see is side. I honestly feel like Im not good enough for him. I know I am, but my feelings are so hurt.

  19. Engaged twice says:

    Oh my God this is so TRUE…. I was engaged the first time with a 2 carat and he always stalled on setting up a date and got frustrated for 2 years and then I met another guy soon after I decided to leave the first one and the second guy proposed to me with a 1 carat. He also did not want to set a date and I wasted 2 years with him also. So ladies I am almost 34 and I realize if I guy loves you there is no stopping him. So I now will know who will truly love me and not string me along. I hope that he comes soon… So please send me some prayers and I hope that the 3rd one is a Charm along with a 3 carat ;-) No just playing but it still has to look good.

    • LuvemOrLeavem
      Twitter:
      says:

      Getting engaged without setting a date has become an enormous trend, and a big stalling tactic. Good for you for seeing through it and moving on. It almost seems like we need to redefine what engagement really is, because the ring is not a big barrier for many men anymore, it’s that committing to a firm wedding date that’s the sticking point. Sending prayers and happy thoughts your way for that proposal that will come with a firm wedding date in addition to the ring:)
      LuvemOrLeavem´s last blog ..Can I Trust Him VideoMy ComLuv Profile

  20. ann says:

    i am on the verge of breaking up with my ‘will not commit’ boyfriend after being with him 14 years.
    we have both been married before and have children……(now grown up) from our previous marrigaes.
    i dont want anymore children and neither does he, so that is not the issue here, like it ight be with some other people.
    we are both 49 yrs old.

    recently i had an illness, and now thankfully i have recovered, but it made me re-evaluate what i want out of life, and it is not to be shacking up for ever with my partner. if i am playing the role of his wife, i want to be his real wife.
    he does not agree with 2nd marriges he says……and yet he is not religious, but says it is his religious belief! , he just doesnt agree with it…….i think that is an insult to my intelligence to expect me to believe it is a religion thing.

    when he talked about his last wife and how she robbed him, i just told him, ”i am not her” but i will always have to settle for sloppy seconds because she was good enough to marry, so why arnt i? he purchased property with her too, and yet he wont do that with me, i rent and he is just like a lodger, with benefits.

    he says he loves me and never wants us to part, but then when you live your life having your cake and eating it aswell, then you dont want to change anything do you?

    he told me that if i gave him an ultimatum, then he would rather leave than get married. and i think that is testament to how he feels. he could walk away from 14 years , so that 14 years meant and means nothing to him. he says i have got it all wrong, but i cant help what i believe, and i do think he just doenst care enough about me to commit to me.

    i love him, and believe he loves me too, but i have lived his way…..not getting married……for a long time, and now its time to do what i want, he really should want to make me happy…i believe.

    why should we continue to live this way to make him happy, at the expense of my own happiness?
    i work full time, i cook, clean, and do all the wifey things…….yet i am obviously not marriage material. talk about low self esteem! i am not the kind of person to be down on myself all the time, but when i believe that my man doenst even love me enough to commit…….then thats got to be a blow to anyones self esteem.

    i cannot live this way any more, and i am not giving him an ultimatum…..marry me or goodbye….but i have to tell him that its what i want, and if he doesnt want to marry me, then we are done.

    i am not about to go looking for the next available man to marry me, i am not just one of those women that NEED to be married, but after 14 years i had hoped i meant enough to him for him to want to hold on to me.

    i will probably never marry anyone, but i sure as hell dont want to be living with this man in another 5 years, in the same situation.

    its not about winning, and gettting him to marry me, its about feeling loved and wanted, which i dont feel right now. if i let that go, then he has won.

  21. whatever says:

    I am about ready to dump my boyfriend. If I am not good enough to be his wife but I am good enough to play one – then he can take this relationship and kiss it goodbye. Some advice top women out there: Don’t move in with your man!!! It’s a stallin’ tactic and it works. If you do move in- expect to play the wife role without actually being called or even considered his wife. There is a huge difference and it brings with it A LOT OF RESENTMENT! I have been with mine for 4 1/2 years – I gave him an 8 month deadline: there are 9 days left on his deadline… see where I am going with this. Even if he does ask me – at this point he needs to prove that the ring was purchased prior to 8 months ago or my answer is simply, “NO”

  22. Lost says:

    My boyfriend is wonderful. We have been dating for almost 7 years and we own a house together. He used to talk about when we get married or when we have kids but he doesn’t say that any more. When I bring up marraige he just laughs and really makes no comment at all. I don’t even know how it is possible to not say anything. Even when I point it out that he says nothing, he still says nothing. Today he made a comment that he doesn’t ever want to get divorced. I told him don’t worry, you have to be married first. Then I asked him if that was why he won’t marry me. And again, he said nothing. He is wonderful in so many ways. I keep asking myself why do I need to be married then. Why can’t I just be happy. I am so sad though. I just tell myself not to think about it, otherwise I am depressed and just want to cry. What is wrong with me that a man that is wonderful to me but won’t marry me. What is wrong with me that I am so hung up on getting married? I don’t want someone to marry me due to an ultimatum. I want someone to marry me because they can’t live without me and they want to spend the rest of their life with me. He is great but should I leave? He can’t even talk about marriage after 7 years. Does that mean that he doesn’t love me enough to spend his life with me. Am I a fool for waiting? Would I be a fool for leaving? Would I be a jerk for leaving just because he is afraid of marraige? Maybe marraige isn’t for everyone. Maybe I need to compromise and not get married. Maybe he needs to compromise and get married. I am lost and unhappy and I don’t know what to do.

    • Cathy says:

      I read the 5 signs and realized I am dealing with ALL 5. I felt so stupid but relived at the same time. I finally feel like its OK for me to want marriage. I am moving on. I could have written this letter myself except for the 7 years as mine is only close to 3. I can assure you, you will not feel better or get over this. I am only glad I did not wait 7 years. My advice to you if you truly want marriage (and it’s o.k. if you do) is to move on and hold your head up high. Good luck to you.

    • whatever says:

      If you are lost and unhappy – leave. Don’t waste anymore of your precious time. I am about ready to dump my boyfriend – and he is getting kicked out and I will be looking for a roomate to help pay the rent. It is reasonable at this point in your relationship to expect a lifelong committment from your man and if he can’t provide that to you then he is not a man after-all just a guy lookin’ for soethin’ better to come along. I am in your boat with a few yrs. less in – it is amazing how it feels to take away the power and know that you are a strong woman. I am just sick of playing the role of “wife” with no incentive in the end. I am not going to waste anymore of my time & neither should you. As long as no children are involved= leave!

    • Sincere says:

      Hi Lost,
      Do you want an honest opinion from a third party outside view? The fact that you want to be married and that marriage is important to you- it should be just as important to him if he really loved you. Now think… you love this man so much that you considered giving up something so important to you (marriage) just to stay with him. Now have you considered- has he thought to himself, ” I love this woman so much that I know she wants to get married. And if that makes her happy, we’re going to get married because I want to spend my life with her either way.” He may be wonderful but you sound so insecure when you dont think you are just as wonderful. Or that in some way, he is better than you or possibly, you couldnt find better? Men are simple.. and they are smart. He has you in a committment (in terms of the house). He has you begging him for marriage. And he has you playing the wife role without you being a wife. And you tell me his response his laughter? Humor? And your response is tears? I dont know if there are kids involved but no matter how you justify it, your defending your relationship to people who are in the same boat as you are. You try to justify your relationship and thinking to stay with this guy because im sure you believe that you have so much invested in this relationship. But ask yourself, is he willing to give up anything? You know, that when a guy really loves you, he never wants to see you cry. And if a guy sees you cry and just laughs.. well…. i think that speaks for himself.
      Leave him. Let him miss you. If he loves you, he will come after you. Do not get back together until you have a wedding date set… not just a ring. And if he doesnt come after you, than be content with knowing that you wouldve just wasted another 7 years in a relationship with someone who just couldnt love you the way you wanted to be loved and give you what you wanted. He’s comfortable. He knows he has you. Men treasure and value things they have to work hard to get. Reverse the cards on him. Stop cooking for him. Stop cleaning for him. And if he asks you why, you can just laugh. Stop doing all the things that a wife does because your not his wife and your not his mom. Stand up for yourself and when you do, you’ll have enough strength and courage to decide if you even want to be in this relationship.

      Best of Luck-

      PS- I would have given you different advice if you said marriage doesnt matter to you. But if it didn’t, you wouldnt be on this site in the first place.

    • Lisa says:

      Lost,

      Why are you blaming yourself for his shortcomings? Obviously there are men out there who meet and marry the one they love. All you have to do is find that self esteem, its in there I know it is!! I personally think moving in and doing all that stuff prior to an official ceremony is working against you. I do believe he may love you enough but has no reason to do anything right now. If you leave you have to mean it, and it will be at this point you actually find out what he is made of. He will either be able to live without you or ask you to marry him. Men process differently so it may take a few months. Be prepared to get out there and date again because he may not come afte you. Or stay and have no marriage, He has been clear with you about this. There is nothing wrong with you, but frankly, if a guy gave me everything I ever wanted without marriage…vacations, trips, paying a mortgage for me, I might not want to tie that knot either or “mess up a good thing”. Plus, when I was younger I met a guy who wanted to date me. I said no because my experience was with players. We remained friends and he was persistent for 8 months and when I still wouldn’t be his girlfriend, he bought a ring! So, men know and it is often when you will NOT give them what they want until you get what you want.

      Hope this helps.

  23. I should say that women shouldn’t even think about that tips and precautions – they should feel it and not to be blind in their senses.
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  24. Don Wright says:

    Listen ladies, a guy who won’t propose to you is not going to marry you and remember what I am about to say,no , memorize it and write it down and put it on the door to your ice box thus: A PROMISE OF MARRIAGE IS NOT A PROPOSAL OF MARRIAGE
    The promise part is all kind of delaying tactics and holding actions , including all of the above advice that others have posted ( engagement rings , wedding dates ,etc ), remember all of these tactics are horseshit! Only a bona-fide PROPOSAL is legitimate.

  25. Why are you women these days so Hard up to get married. whats the big rush. with todays divorce rate its smart to wait until things are right. %80 of issues need to be smoothed out. And do you really think a man is going to flat out tell you ” NO im not ready to get married” if he’s just not ready. Marriage is not something you take lightly. Its 4 ever! Like a Tatoo. And lets face it weather there are kids invoved or not, MEN MEN MEN get the short end of the stick if it doesnt work out. We have much more to loose then you If it doesnt work out ladies. And Remember Marriage is much more for a woman then it is a man. We do it for you If we love you. If you want him to walk down that isle , stop talking about it and just focus on being his best friend. If he has more fun with you then he does his drinking buddies you should be married in no time. Lets face it if he aint gettin married then you havent quite made it to the top of the “I could lock myself in the room with you 4ever” list. And to be honestly ladies telling him your gonna leave him if he doesnt do it just makes it alot worse. The fact alone that you never say that would do wonders for your campaign. One last thing!!!! try reverse phycology. If You seem dis intrested in marriage he will come along much quicker. But begging, threats, lobbying, and campaigning will only pro long your wait. If you cant wait any longer then Just LEAVE!! pressure will ruin the beauty of what marriage really is.

    • umm says:

      Typical male response; almost categorical with the issues raised in the article.

    • pressurising chick says:

      you sound exactly like my fiance… we have been engaged two years, and no date set.
      he says its such a big deal and he wants to wait till he is qualified etc… but thats come and gone and i think ive been nagging to the point he cant stand the topic.
      thanks … i think i need to focus on us and not the girly eva after!

    • whatever says:

      Ya however there will be a real man that would provide a lifelong committment to me – he is out there – somewhere. My boyfriend who is very good to me has 9 days left to propose or I am done. I am woman – hear me roar. I figure if you don’t love me enough or don’t know after 4.5 years then it’s time for me to move on. I have not said I will leave you if you don’t ask me – so I am not threatening – but he knows the “timeline” and as with a previous relationship if you mess up the plan then we are thru – end of story. Either shit or get off the pot!

    • whatever says:

      I have been playing the dis-interested part for a week now – he is starting to wonder what’s wrong. I have changed – not easy to do but I have. No dinner when you get home anymore, you can do your own laundry, I will leave to shop or hangout with my girls whenever and I will tell you where I am going, but not when I am coming home and no more sex. If you don’t love me enough to marry me and possibly get me pregnant in the process of having sex then you really don’t love me, just tired of being taken for granted.

    • krista says:

      i agree that ultimateums are no way to have a relationship, but i also think after six years if the guy does not know whethere he is ready for marriage or not then one why is he even with you. obviously after six years he loves you, and making plans w you, and talking about having children w you. i mean i think thats where girls get pissed off honestly. be straoght up honest. ” you know what were never gonna get married” atleast that way we know whether were waisting our time or not. ive been w the same person for six years, all i care to know is that yes one day we will get married, if he really has no interest in marrying me ever then time to go. i dont want to be thirty trying to find someone. im 24. all im saying is guys just need to be one hundred percent honest. “hey were never gonna get married” or hey ” i see us getting married in a year, two years” thats all we want. and your right the divorce rate is high, but thats cause the stupid people that dont know eachother after dating a month, or six months go and get married and then realize hey we didnt know everything about eachother and now we dont get along. i think people should minimum be together a year in a half, and engaged a year as well. it takes time to know someone, and you know what marriage is a big thing, people dont fight hard enough for there marriage and its sad. and guys often do get the short end of the stick. ill agree with that. but i will also say most of the time the guys dont want the child full time, so the mom gets stuck with the child full time. i dont know seems like lately marriage is a touchy subject for anyone. guys have been burned by girls so they blame the next girl thinking she will treat them the same way, and girls burned by guys so they think all the other guys will hurt them. its just sad how everything has changed in this society so much.

  26. HPF says:

    i have been in a relationship with my bf for 8 years. we are both of the same age, 30. until now, he hasn’t asked me to marry him. sometimes we do talk about it but the “when” part continues to bug me. he is financially stable. we have a business together and he handles the finances. since we started going out, i wasn’t allowed to go out with my friends or even just go outside the house. before, i used to feel that its ok, i think that it was just because he was protective of me and that he loves me but as time or years passed by, i am realizing that life is too short and that i am wasting time sitting here in the house waiting for him to call or to spend time with me while he spends all his time drinking with his buddies.

    when i asked him point blank when he wants to marry me, he just said give me a kid and i will marry you. isn’t that right? to have a condition to marry!

  27. lostinlove says:

    after 2 yrs of MANY bumps I am convinced my guy isnt going to ever move forward. He is constantly waitng for “everything” to be perfect. He still financialy keeps his gorwn children afloat even tho they can support them selves. Its time to bail… Its just so hard

  28. Naturalbeauty says:

    I am so happy to have found this page. I am hoping to receive some advice about my unique situation. I am 26 and my boyfriend is 27. We have been dating since we were in college, age 20 (6-7years ^_^). We have had some ups and downs, religious differences, cultural differences, many periods of long distance (internationally and domestic). We have overcome all of our odds except for marriage. I have always wanted to be married but he hasn’t. I believe I was raised with that notion. I would have easily moved forward at the age of 23. I am happy I didn’t because I had time to know him better. The more I learn about him the more I love him. I am sure he feels the same way. We have learned more about communication and growth during these years.

    About 3 years ago, after he graduated university I decided it was time to start discussing marriage. He willingly joined the conversation. He started to contribute positive feelings towards the subject. I was elated! I hadn’t had a response from him in that way before. I expected a proposal within a year. After that didn’t happen I felt it was because of his career situation. I decided to remain happy in our state and push forward.

    When the following year approached I began to wonder what’s next. We moved in the same state after a period of long distance. Everything was starting to look great at the time. We hadn’t had any arguments and had learned to communicate on a mature level. I believe it was the first time we really understood each others goals.So I was expecting the ring that year! He made several comments jokingly about me being his wife, rings on my finger, blah blah! But nothing!!! I remained sane still. For him moving in together was such a large step. He didn’t want to go for marriage. When asked about the topic, he replied that he wasn’t sure. I was in shock!!! Not sure!! I thought we were really working towards it.

    I put my foot down and demanded an answer within 3 months!! I told him that I had given my life, time, patience and love to him.

    I was surprised when we started to show improvement again. I didn’t want to get my hopes up because I had experienced this feeling many times before. I felt that his conversations towards marriage we becoming serious again.

    I currently live in a foreign country with my boyfriend. We have been here for a little over a year. I have family that would have to pay a high priced ticket to come to a marriage. I was so happy to find that my mother and my father would like to fly here 6 months from now. I thought it would be the perfect time to marry. The weather will be wonderful! My job has a week vacation! We have been together for almost 7 years! We know each other very well and are in love! Yay!! :( He still doesn’t think its the right time for marriage. ” He told me that he is sure of his feelings now more than ever. Really wants to move forward. Has never felt like this in his life. Wants to do everything when the time is right.”

    Am I wrong for wanting to start our future sooner??? I feel like we’ve had so much time together! 7 years! We’re not engaged yet! I hate to be one of those girls, but all of my friends are now happily married to people they have known for only 7month or 1 year. My family is so ready!

    My man is talking about 1 year to 1 1/2 years from now!!! Come on already!!!

    • AdviceMaven
      Twitter:
      says:

      7 years is an incredibly long time. He’s definitely comfortable with the current situation despite knowing how much you want to get married.

      I knew a woman in a similar situation. She waited for 10 years before she was ready to admit a wedding wasn’t going to happen. It wasn’t until she was feeling that she was going to be too old to have children that she finally decided to move on. She met a new man who was truly ready to commit, and they were married within 2 years.

      So even with all the time, energy and love that you’ve invested in this man, it is likely that you could find, date and marry a different man long before you ever get this one to marry you.

      I wish you the best of luck.
      Tina T´s last blog ..Friends with Benefits Video My ComLuv Profile

    • Jen says:

      I am 26 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 4 1/2 years. We have lived together for over 3 years in a house that he bought (the house is in his name only, but we looked at houses together and I had input on the choice). Most of our friends are getting married or are engaged and it’s starting to make me wonder when it will be our turn. We have talked about marriage in the past and he has always said that he plans on marrying me but I’m starting to wonder when that will be…he says he is more worried about the actual wedding day then about getting married, because he has a lot of close friends and family and feels a lot of pressure to include everyone, yet he hates being the center of attention. He has also said that part of him is not quite ready, because he feels like he will lose some individuality/freedom once he’s married. On the other hand, he talks about having kids together and future plans like he is really looking forward to all that. I’m just getting a little confused as to what’s really holding him back and if he really truly does want to marry me or if he has doubts about our future…I don’t bring up the subject very often because I don’t want it to seem like I’m pressuring him but I have told him that I would like to take it our relationship to the next level and to know that he is committed to me 100%. He just doesn’t seem to have any time frame and is apparently in no rush to pop the question. I love him and we get along great and rarely ever have issues…so is it worth it for me to wait around in the hopes that he will finally get up the nerve to take the next step, or do I need to re-evaluate our relationship and possibly move on?

      • krista says:

        im in the same boat, but 24 years old and w him for six years. and i feel the same way you do girl….so i dont rly know what to say. i feel like if they plan future things w us, and we do live together, and we talk about kids, that they genuinely do care and will marry us one day. but then everything i read says different things :-( . I dont know.

        • Carly says:

          I think that when it is for so many years that it does become less likely that they will marry you only because they have been able to get away with it for so long that I do think a lot of men think , yes I love you enough to stay with you but why bother with marriage? I only know on couple that lived together for years that finally got married, but it took 12 years for that to happen. Who the heck wants to wait 12 years?

  29. Patricia says:

    I have been dating a man for over 2 years. I moved to the state he lived in so we could be together with the hopes of getting married. When I bring up the topic it upsets him. I know that has to be a sign that he will not ask me. I am at the point where I have to decide if I will stay with him or move on. I really want marriage but I also am very much in love with him. I think my mistake was I became is pseudo wife and have done everything a wife would do; so what would be point of getting married? I should have waited before I became the super wife/step mom.

  30. Confused and Hurt says:

    HE moved for a job to the other side of the US, we argues alot and HE forced me to move in with him before I actually planned to. FLEW home to help me drive my vehicle to the other side of the US. HE then set the date and soon after cancelled (wants a better job, wants his family there, etc.). I told him I believe he doesn’t want to marry me. I am crushed.

  31. This is such a great subject and I think a true one if they hesitate and you really want to be married dump him and move on it ain’t going to happen…remember I’m married three times and I sure know at 63 what the signs are and this post is pretty darn accurate…..

    Dorothy from grammology
    grammology.com
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  32. Ray
    Twitter:
    says:

    I don’t agree with ‘One of The Guys’ comment ,that if a guy is involved with any kind of stalling tactic, he is still on the lookout for something better.
    Going by the experiences of some of my friends and colleagues, generally we guys are just plain scared of a lot of stuff. Scared of commitment, scared of showing our true selves, and scared of the institution of marriage and all it entails. There is probably a house to buy, and soon after there might be babies on the way. So that before we know it we are saddled with mortgage repayments and crying babies.
    What we really need is a lot of reassurance that there is nothing to fear,and a shot of something very strong,to get us down the aisle!
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  33. It reminds me of the movie, “He’s just not that into you”.

    As hard as it might be, if marriage is extremely important to someone and their significant other doesn’t want to marry, I’m not sure forcing them is the way to go. I think at that point, decisions must be made about priorities.
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  34. Thanks for the props! We appreciate it as always!

    Guys are notorious for stalling. Any kind of stall tactic means he’s still on the lookout for something “better.”

    And as far as begging goes, if a man or woman manages to convince their partner to marry them, resentment usually kicks in around the 6-7 year mark, if not sooner. Never a good idea.

    Great topic as always!

    Love to hear your thoughts on cheating. We’re doing a three part series giving three different guys’ viewpoints.

    Thanks again!!

  35. Troi
    Twitter:
    says:

    Oh my goodness I have so much to say about this topic and just a finite amount of space to do it. :-) Suffice it to say it reminds me of the movie “He’s just not that into you” where women always hope that they’re the exception and not the rule. And yet I’ve had enough female friends convince their significant others of YEARS into marriage that I know EXACTLY why we keep buying into that idea that we’re the exception too–we’ve seen it work!! I guess at this stage in my life I’m just too disenchanted to beg; I figure I’ll know commitment when I see it and I haven’t seen it yet!

  36. askcherlock says:

    I have to go with The Guys on this one. If a guy is really interested in marrying you, he makes that clear and you both discuss the when and where of the event. Life is too short and there is always another train. If a guy has not asked you to marry him after five years of being together, you are just a convenience and have wasted precious time. to quote Robert Frost, “Close the door. The heart’s gone out of it.”

  37. Kelly says:

    Thanks for this post. It’s a good topic—a lot of women are unsure about how committed a guy is. It’s really sad to me if the guy actually proposes without the intention of getting married. I think there’s a mentality that “someone better may come along” (since we have SO much choice and so many ways to meet people).

    • Susan says:

      No men do not want someone else. They just do not have the morals or self confidence in themselves to be good husbands. I feel our culture is spoiled and are not living to please or obey God. Men are to love their wife as Jesus loved the church. Women are to do the same. The two shall become one flesh. If we ladies crossed our legs and did not have sex til marriage then there would be a marriage. Loving yourself and obeying God is more important that sex before marriage. Self control = life long commitment. I am not perfect and have messed that one up. But this time I am waiting. God blesses you when you wait! Good luck!

  38. Jude says:

    These are all valid points and it’s so funny that we are an older couple and Bill asked me to marry him 7 years ago, but “things” kept getting in the way. At this point in time I don’t want to get married however I would have married him as soon as we got engaged, but it didn’t happen and now it doesn’t bother me at all because we are comfortable without complications. Maybe if I were younger it would bother me, but not now.
    Jude´s last blog ..Hypochondriac Or Fibromyalgia My ComLuv Profile

  39. Brandy
    Twitter:
    says:

    Wow, there is a lot to think about here! Great list! As I am currently going through a divorce I am not going to be out in the field looking for anyone at this time, just focusing on myself and the kids but this list certainly serves good use to me for the future should I decide to date again.
    Brandy´s last blog ..Social Media is Addicting? My ComLuv Profile

  40. Date Girl says:

    My fiance was big on the “right time”. He would tell me all the time, without me bringing it up how much he wanted to marry me, but he was waiting for a good job, financial security ecetera. I knew he wanted to be married, but he’s old fashioned and wanted to provide for me. Since we hadn’t been together all that long, I didn’t really worry about it. I hoped he would propose, but I didn’t stress.
    He ended up proposing when he was unemployed! He said he just couldn’t wait any longer and “right time” be damned. :-) He was also the one to push our wedding up to this year rather than next.
    So I definitely agree with your points. If he’s stalling, there’s a problem!
    Date Girl´s last blog ..Post It Note Tues-Got My Dress! My ComLuv Profile

  41. Anne says:

    Reading this post made me very sad. I really feel for women who want to get married but are involved with a man who will not marry them. I hope your post helps women to find what they want out of life.

  42. BK
    Twitter:
    says:

    It is good that you have listed out these signs for ladies to refer to and have an idea if their guys are stalling for time and won’t marry them. Actually intuition will warn some ladies about their men but most of the time being madly in love, they may unconsciously ignore what they were ‘hearing.’
    BK´s last blog ..Kindness – The Ripple with no end My ComLuv Profile

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