After delving into the two main reasons why some men date women for years but refuse to marry them, I was bombarded by emails from women asking “how do I know if he’s just a procrastinator or if he really never plans to marry me?” Now it’s true that women often bring up the issue of marriage more quickly than men, but as my friends over at The Guys Perspective point out, “when a guy is really interested in a woman he doesn’t play games.” I think that this is really what the signs that I’m going to list are all about, they indicate that a man has moved into the realm of game playing so that he can continue to date her while avoiding the commitment of marriage.
1. You Have Been Reduced to Begging- For the woman who has been doing some serious hinting about getting married, it is often very hard to realize that conversations about marriage have been replaced with begging and pleading. I’ve written many time about smart, strong women who don’t make smart choices in relationships. Women who would demand a raise at work rather than begging for one somehow fall into a trap where they are begging a man to marry them. If you have been reduced to begging, it is time to move on. Not only does he not plan on marrying you, but the type of guy who strings a woman along like this is likely to move on to more complex stalling tactics that can drag on for years without ever tying the knot.
2. Waiting for the Right Time- It sounds very responsible for your guy to say that he will ask you to marry him as soon as it is “the right time,” but this is usually another stalling tactic. I’ve heard all kinds of excuses for why it’s not the perfect time that range from men who want to wait for a big promotion at work to one man who wanted to make sure that his brother had enough time to grieve after his divorce before he was “forced” to participate in wedding festivities. People manage to tie the knot during less than perfect circumstances all the time. Nearly every member of the clergy has a story about a bride or groom who had to that hobble down the aisle after breaking a leg or having some serious injury before their wedding. Remember these couples when you’re evaluating whether his reason for waiting has merit or not.
3. He suggests a “trial period”- Men who want to get married propose to their lady. They don’t try to find a way to delay things by recommending that you have a trial period of living together “just to make sure that we’re compatible with each other.” We get letters from women all the time who agreed to these “trial periods” and they’ve all either left the relationship or are many years into their “trial period.”
4. An Engagement With No Date Set- Many guys find that presenting a women with a diamond ring is a great stalling technique. The men that have the financial means, can often get years worth of stall time with a large enough diamond. If you’ve been engaged for more than a few months and you still don’t have a date set, then the odds of you walking down the aisle with this man are extremely slim. The same goes for dates set two or more years into the future (see rescheduled wedding.)
5. The Rescheduled Wedding- This often starts out as a wedding date that is set for years in the future. As the date gets closer (close enough to start making real plans) the date gets moved out. Let’s face it, in all aspects of life we tend to reschedule things that we’re not looking forward to (like going to the dentist) and keep or move up the dates for things that we really want to do. If you had a long engagement that was rescheduled as soon as it got close enough to where you needed to start putting down deposits with wedding halls, caterers, etc, then he is sending you a message that he does not intend to ever go through with the wedding.
So there are the 5 most common signs that he won’t be marrying you. I have seen women struggle with these signs both in real life and in the stories that they share with us on LuvemOrLeavem. If you are in any of these situations, then your time and energy would be better spent finding a new man who is ready to commit to you rather than waiting around for your current man to walk down the aisle with you.
My boyfriend and I separated for a few weeks.. we got back together and he begged me to marry him right away. We have been engaged for 9 months and Everytime I ask him he gives me new excuse.. or he’s waiting finish his car should i stop holding,my breathe and just move on? It’s been 5 years and Im still waiting …. desperate for an answer..
Twitter: AdviceMaven
says:
He obviously wants to continue his relationship with you, but it sounds like his proposal was motivated by his desire to hang on to you rather than a desire to be married. If marriage is truly what you want, then it doesn’t sounds like he is the right person for you.
The man that you marry should be someone who is thrilled about the idea of marrying you. I think that it’s time to find someone who can’t wait to walk down the aisle with you rather than someone who is dragging his feet. Best of luck to you.
LuvemOrLeavem´s last blog ..Can I Trust Him Video
I am going through a difficult time as well. I dated a guy eight years and lived with him. We broke up due to my career choice. I am a singer. I have a job during the day and sing on the weekends. my job during the week is not a 9 to 5 job. I make enough money to pay my bills and still live. We decided to part ways because I wanted to be a singer and he wanted a house wife. so the relationship ended.
Then i met my current boyfriend. We fell head over heels. He brought up marriage not me.Long story short I thought we would have been engaged with in the first year. He kept teasing me about proposing. saying he was gonna do it. He told me we would be engaged by the time his sister got married. well guess what….def did not happend. So Im straight forward I asked him about it.I thought i did something wrong. After a little arguing he finally got mad and said if i had a 9 to 5 job than we would be married.
SO here I am in another relationship where the man has a problem with my dream job that makes me happy. I can see if i was lazy and asked to borrow money and could not afford things, but that is not the case. soo im really hurt and disappointed. I really thought he loved me for me. He is so obsessed with worrying about money to the point he is letting my job be the decision maker. Say I get a 9 to 5 job and than he proposes. Than I get laid off! Than What! I think its insane. If we were married right now we would be living perfectly fine with both our incomes.
so does he actually want me for the rest of my life? or does he just want another pay check? What to do? Im trying to not be narrowminded and see is side. I honestly feel like Im not good enough for him. I know I am, but my feelings are so hurt.
Oh my God this is so TRUE…. I was engaged the first time with a 2 carat and he always stalled on setting up a date and got frustrated for 2 years and then I met another guy soon after I decided to leave the first one and the second guy proposed to me with a 1 carat. He also did not want to set a date and I wasted 2 years with him also. So ladies I am almost 34 and I realize if I guy loves you there is no stopping him. So I now will know who will truly love me and not string me along. I hope that he comes soon… So please send me some prayers and I hope that the 3rd one is a Charm along with a 3 carat
No just playing but it still has to look good.
Twitter: AdviceMaven
says:
Getting engaged without setting a date has become an enormous trend, and a big stalling tactic. Good for you for seeing through it and moving on. It almost seems like we need to redefine what engagement really is, because the ring is not a big barrier for many men anymore, it’s that committing to a firm wedding date that’s the sticking point. Sending prayers and happy thoughts your way for that proposal that will come with a firm wedding date in addition to the ring:)
LuvemOrLeavem´s last blog ..Can I Trust Him Video
i am on the verge of breaking up with my ‘will not commit’ boyfriend after being with him 14 years.
we have both been married before and have children……(now grown up) from our previous marrigaes.
i dont want anymore children and neither does he, so that is not the issue here, like it ight be with some other people.
we are both 49 yrs old.
recently i had an illness, and now thankfully i have recovered, but it made me re-evaluate what i want out of life, and it is not to be shacking up for ever with my partner. if i am playing the role of his wife, i want to be his real wife.
he does not agree with 2nd marriges he says……and yet he is not religious, but says it is his religious belief! , he just doesnt agree with it…….i think that is an insult to my intelligence to expect me to believe it is a religion thing.
when he talked about his last wife and how she robbed him, i just told him, ”i am not her” but i will always have to settle for sloppy seconds because she was good enough to marry, so why arnt i? he purchased property with her too, and yet he wont do that with me, i rent and he is just like a lodger, with benefits.
he says he loves me and never wants us to part, but then when you live your life having your cake and eating it aswell, then you dont want to change anything do you?
he told me that if i gave him an ultimatum, then he would rather leave than get married. and i think that is testament to how he feels. he could walk away from 14 years , so that 14 years meant and means nothing to him. he says i have got it all wrong, but i cant help what i believe, and i do think he just doenst care enough about me to commit to me.
i love him, and believe he loves me too, but i have lived his way…..not getting married……for a long time, and now its time to do what i want, he really should want to make me happy…i believe.
why should we continue to live this way to make him happy, at the expense of my own happiness?
i work full time, i cook, clean, and do all the wifey things…….yet i am obviously not marriage material. talk about low self esteem! i am not the kind of person to be down on myself all the time, but when i believe that my man doenst even love me enough to commit…….then thats got to be a blow to anyones self esteem.
i cannot live this way any more, and i am not giving him an ultimatum…..marry me or goodbye….but i have to tell him that its what i want, and if he doesnt want to marry me, then we are done.
i am not about to go looking for the next available man to marry me, i am not just one of those women that NEED to be married, but after 14 years i had hoped i meant enough to him for him to want to hold on to me.
i will probably never marry anyone, but i sure as hell dont want to be living with this man in another 5 years, in the same situation.
its not about winning, and gettting him to marry me, its about feeling loved and wanted, which i dont feel right now. if i let that go, then he has won.
I am about ready to dump my boyfriend. If I am not good enough to be his wife but I am good enough to play one – then he can take this relationship and kiss it goodbye. Some advice top women out there: Don’t move in with your man!!! It’s a stallin’ tactic and it works. If you do move in- expect to play the wife role without actually being called or even considered his wife. There is a huge difference and it brings with it A LOT OF RESENTMENT! I have been with mine for 4 1/2 years – I gave him an 8 month deadline: there are 9 days left on his deadline… see where I am going with this. Even if he does ask me – at this point he needs to prove that the ring was purchased prior to 8 months ago or my answer is simply, “NO”
My boyfriend is wonderful. We have been dating for almost 7 years and we own a house together. He used to talk about when we get married or when we have kids but he doesn’t say that any more. When I bring up marraige he just laughs and really makes no comment at all. I don’t even know how it is possible to not say anything. Even when I point it out that he says nothing, he still says nothing. Today he made a comment that he doesn’t ever want to get divorced. I told him don’t worry, you have to be married first. Then I asked him if that was why he won’t marry me. And again, he said nothing. He is wonderful in so many ways. I keep asking myself why do I need to be married then. Why can’t I just be happy. I am so sad though. I just tell myself not to think about it, otherwise I am depressed and just want to cry. What is wrong with me that a man that is wonderful to me but won’t marry me. What is wrong with me that I am so hung up on getting married? I don’t want someone to marry me due to an ultimatum. I want someone to marry me because they can’t live without me and they want to spend the rest of their life with me. He is great but should I leave? He can’t even talk about marriage after 7 years. Does that mean that he doesn’t love me enough to spend his life with me. Am I a fool for waiting? Would I be a fool for leaving? Would I be a jerk for leaving just because he is afraid of marraige? Maybe marraige isn’t for everyone. Maybe I need to compromise and not get married. Maybe he needs to compromise and get married. I am lost and unhappy and I don’t know what to do.
I read the 5 signs and realized I am dealing with ALL 5. I felt so stupid but relived at the same time. I finally feel like its OK for me to want marriage. I am moving on. I could have written this letter myself except for the 7 years as mine is only close to 3. I can assure you, you will not feel better or get over this. I am only glad I did not wait 7 years. My advice to you if you truly want marriage (and it’s o.k. if you do) is to move on and hold your head up high. Good luck to you.
If you are lost and unhappy – leave. Don’t waste anymore of your precious time. I am about ready to dump my boyfriend – and he is getting kicked out and I will be looking for a roomate to help pay the rent. It is reasonable at this point in your relationship to expect a lifelong committment from your man and if he can’t provide that to you then he is not a man after-all just a guy lookin’ for soethin’ better to come along. I am in your boat with a few yrs. less in – it is amazing how it feels to take away the power and know that you are a strong woman. I am just sick of playing the role of “wife” with no incentive in the end. I am not going to waste anymore of my time & neither should you. As long as no children are involved= leave!
Hi Lost,
Do you want an honest opinion from a third party outside view? The fact that you want to be married and that marriage is important to you- it should be just as important to him if he really loved you. Now think… you love this man so much that you considered giving up something so important to you (marriage) just to stay with him. Now have you considered- has he thought to himself, ” I love this woman so much that I know she wants to get married. And if that makes her happy, we’re going to get married because I want to spend my life with her either way.” He may be wonderful but you sound so insecure when you dont think you are just as wonderful. Or that in some way, he is better than you or possibly, you couldnt find better? Men are simple.. and they are smart. He has you in a committment (in terms of the house). He has you begging him for marriage. And he has you playing the wife role without you being a wife. And you tell me his response his laughter? Humor? And your response is tears? I dont know if there are kids involved but no matter how you justify it, your defending your relationship to people who are in the same boat as you are. You try to justify your relationship and thinking to stay with this guy because im sure you believe that you have so much invested in this relationship. But ask yourself, is he willing to give up anything? You know, that when a guy really loves you, he never wants to see you cry. And if a guy sees you cry and just laughs.. well…. i think that speaks for himself.
Leave him. Let him miss you. If he loves you, he will come after you. Do not get back together until you have a wedding date set… not just a ring. And if he doesnt come after you, than be content with knowing that you wouldve just wasted another 7 years in a relationship with someone who just couldnt love you the way you wanted to be loved and give you what you wanted. He’s comfortable. He knows he has you. Men treasure and value things they have to work hard to get. Reverse the cards on him. Stop cooking for him. Stop cleaning for him. And if he asks you why, you can just laugh. Stop doing all the things that a wife does because your not his wife and your not his mom. Stand up for yourself and when you do, you’ll have enough strength and courage to decide if you even want to be in this relationship.
Best of Luck-
PS- I would have given you different advice if you said marriage doesnt matter to you. But if it didn’t, you wouldnt be on this site in the first place.
Lost,
Why are you blaming yourself for his shortcomings? Obviously there are men out there who meet and marry the one they love. All you have to do is find that self esteem, its in there I know it is!! I personally think moving in and doing all that stuff prior to an official ceremony is working against you. I do believe he may love you enough but has no reason to do anything right now. If you leave you have to mean it, and it will be at this point you actually find out what he is made of. He will either be able to live without you or ask you to marry him. Men process differently so it may take a few months. Be prepared to get out there and date again because he may not come afte you. Or stay and have no marriage, He has been clear with you about this. There is nothing wrong with you, but frankly, if a guy gave me everything I ever wanted without marriage…vacations, trips, paying a mortgage for me, I might not want to tie that knot either or “mess up a good thing”. Plus, when I was younger I met a guy who wanted to date me. I said no because my experience was with players. We remained friends and he was persistent for 8 months and when I still wouldn’t be his girlfriend, he bought a ring! So, men know and it is often when you will NOT give them what they want until you get what you want.
Hope this helps.
I should say that women shouldn’t even think about that tips and precautions – they should feel it and not to be blind in their senses.
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Listen ladies, a guy who won’t propose to you is not going to marry you and remember what I am about to say,no , memorize it and write it down and put it on the door to your ice box thus: A PROMISE OF MARRIAGE IS NOT A PROPOSAL OF MARRIAGE
The promise part is all kind of delaying tactics and holding actions , including all of the above advice that others have posted ( engagement rings , wedding dates ,etc ), remember all of these tactics are horseshit! Only a bona-fide PROPOSAL is legitimate.
Why are you women these days so Hard up to get married. whats the big rush. with todays divorce rate its smart to wait until things are right. %80 of issues need to be smoothed out. And do you really think a man is going to flat out tell you ” NO im not ready to get married” if he’s just not ready. Marriage is not something you take lightly. Its 4 ever! Like a Tatoo. And lets face it weather there are kids invoved or not, MEN MEN MEN get the short end of the stick if it doesnt work out. We have much more to loose then you If it doesnt work out ladies. And Remember Marriage is much more for a woman then it is a man. We do it for you If we love you. If you want him to walk down that isle , stop talking about it and just focus on being his best friend. If he has more fun with you then he does his drinking buddies you should be married in no time. Lets face it if he aint gettin married then you havent quite made it to the top of the “I could lock myself in the room with you 4ever” list. And to be honestly ladies telling him your gonna leave him if he doesnt do it just makes it alot worse. The fact alone that you never say that would do wonders for your campaign. One last thing!!!! try reverse phycology. If You seem dis intrested in marriage he will come along much quicker. But begging, threats, lobbying, and campaigning will only pro long your wait. If you cant wait any longer then Just LEAVE!! pressure will ruin the beauty of what marriage really is.
Typical male response; almost categorical with the issues raised in the article.
you sound exactly like my fiance… we have been engaged two years, and no date set.
he says its such a big deal and he wants to wait till he is qualified etc… but thats come and gone and i think ive been nagging to the point he cant stand the topic.
thanks … i think i need to focus on us and not the girly eva after!
Ya however there will be a real man that would provide a lifelong committment to me – he is out there – somewhere. My boyfriend who is very good to me has 9 days left to propose or I am done. I am woman – hear me roar. I figure if you don’t love me enough or don’t know after 4.5 years then it’s time for me to move on. I have not said I will leave you if you don’t ask me – so I am not threatening – but he knows the “timeline” and as with a previous relationship if you mess up the plan then we are thru – end of story. Either shit or get off the pot!
I have been playing the dis-interested part for a week now – he is starting to wonder what’s wrong. I have changed – not easy to do but I have. No dinner when you get home anymore, you can do your own laundry, I will leave to shop or hangout with my girls whenever and I will tell you where I am going, but not when I am coming home and no more sex. If you don’t love me enough to marry me and possibly get me pregnant in the process of having sex then you really don’t love me, just tired of being taken for granted.
i have been in a relationship with my bf for 8 years. we are both of the same age, 30. until now, he hasn’t asked me to marry him. sometimes we do talk about it but the “when” part continues to bug me. he is financially stable. we have a business together and he handles the finances. since we started going out, i wasn’t allowed to go out with my friends or even just go outside the house. before, i used to feel that its ok, i think that it was just because he was protective of me and that he loves me but as time or years passed by, i am realizing that life is too short and that i am wasting time sitting here in the house waiting for him to call or to spend time with me while he spends all his time drinking with his buddies.
when i asked him point blank when he wants to marry me, he just said give me a kid and i will marry you. isn’t that right? to have a condition to marry!
Twitter: AdviceMaven
says:
Life is definitely too short, and somewhere around 30 is when many women start to really appreciate that. You are still young, and you shouldn’t spend the rest of your youth waiting on this man. He’s had 8 years to prove himself, and what he has proven is that it’s time for you to find someone else. Good luck.
LuvemOrLeavem´s last blog ..Types of Men You Should Run From – Video
after 2 yrs of MANY bumps I am convinced my guy isnt going to ever move forward. He is constantly waitng for “everything” to be perfect. He still financialy keeps his gorwn children afloat even tho they can support them selves. Its time to bail… Its just so hard
Twitter: AdviceMaven
says:
It’s true that there will never be a time when everything is perfect. It’s hard to leave when you’ve put so much time and energy into a relationship, but it’s hard to stay in a relationship where you’re not getting what you want.
Tina T´s last blog ..Friends with Benefits Video
I am so happy to have found this page. I am hoping to receive some advice about my unique situation. I am 26 and my boyfriend is 27. We have been dating since we were in college, age 20 (6-7years ^_^). We have had some ups and downs, religious differences, cultural differences, many periods of long distance (internationally and domestic). We have overcome all of our odds except for marriage. I have always wanted to be married but he hasn’t. I believe I was raised with that notion. I would have easily moved forward at the age of 23. I am happy I didn’t because I had time to know him better. The more I learn about him the more I love him. I am sure he feels the same way. We have learned more about communication and growth during these years.
About 3 years ago, after he graduated university I decided it was time to start discussing marriage. He willingly joined the conversation. He started to contribute positive feelings towards the subject. I was elated! I hadn’t had a response from him in that way before. I expected a proposal within a year. After that didn’t happen I felt it was because of his career situation. I decided to remain happy in our state and push forward.
When the following year approached I began to wonder what’s next. We moved in the same state after a period of long distance. Everything was starting to look great at the time. We hadn’t had any arguments and had learned to communicate on a mature level. I believe it was the first time we really understood each others goals.So I was expecting the ring that year! He made several comments jokingly about me being his wife, rings on my finger, blah blah! But nothing!!! I remained sane still. For him moving in together was such a large step. He didn’t want to go for marriage. When asked about the topic, he replied that he wasn’t sure. I was in shock!!! Not sure!! I thought we were really working towards it.
I put my foot down and demanded an answer within 3 months!! I told him that I had given my life, time, patience and love to him.
I was surprised when we started to show improvement again. I didn’t want to get my hopes up because I had experienced this feeling many times before. I felt that his conversations towards marriage we becoming serious again.
I currently live in a foreign country with my boyfriend. We have been here for a little over a year. I have family that would have to pay a high priced ticket to come to a marriage. I was so happy to find that my mother and my father would like to fly here 6 months from now. I thought it would be the perfect time to marry. The weather will be wonderful! My job has a week vacation! We have been together for almost 7 years! We know each other very well and are in love! Yay!!
He still doesn’t think its the right time for marriage. ” He told me that he is sure of his feelings now more than ever. Really wants to move forward. Has never felt like this in his life. Wants to do everything when the time is right.”
Am I wrong for wanting to start our future sooner??? I feel like we’ve had so much time together! 7 years! We’re not engaged yet! I hate to be one of those girls, but all of my friends are now happily married to people they have known for only 7month or 1 year. My family is so ready!
My man is talking about 1 year to 1 1/2 years from now!!! Come on already!!!
Twitter: AdviceMaven
says:
7 years is an incredibly long time. He’s definitely comfortable with the current situation despite knowing how much you want to get married.
I knew a woman in a similar situation. She waited for 10 years before she was ready to admit a wedding wasn’t going to happen. It wasn’t until she was feeling that she was going to be too old to have children that she finally decided to move on. She met a new man who was truly ready to commit, and they were married within 2 years.
So even with all the time, energy and love that you’ve invested in this man, it is likely that you could find, date and marry a different man long before you ever get this one to marry you.
I wish you the best of luck.
Tina T´s last blog ..Friends with Benefits Video
I am 26 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 4 1/2 years. We have lived together for over 3 years in a house that he bought (the house is in his name only, but we looked at houses together and I had input on the choice). Most of our friends are getting married or are engaged and it’s starting to make me wonder when it will be our turn. We have talked about marriage in the past and he has always said that he plans on marrying me but I’m starting to wonder when that will be…he says he is more worried about the actual wedding day then about getting married, because he has a lot of close friends and family and feels a lot of pressure to include everyone, yet he hates being the center of attention. He has also said that part of him is not quite ready, because he feels like he will lose some individuality/freedom once he’s married. On the other hand, he talks about having kids together and future plans like he is really looking forward to all that. I’m just getting a little confused as to what’s really holding him back and if he really truly does want to marry me or if he has doubts about our future…I don’t bring up the subject very often because I don’t want it to seem like I’m pressuring him but I have told him that I would like to take it our relationship to the next level and to know that he is committed to me 100%. He just doesn’t seem to have any time frame and is apparently in no rush to pop the question. I love him and we get along great and rarely ever have issues…so is it worth it for me to wait around in the hopes that he will finally get up the nerve to take the next step, or do I need to re-evaluate our relationship and possibly move on?
I have been dating a man for over 2 years. I moved to the state he lived in so we could be together with the hopes of getting married. When I bring up the topic it upsets him. I know that has to be a sign that he will not ask me. I am at the point where I have to decide if I will stay with him or move on. I really want marriage but I also am very much in love with him. I think my mistake was I became is pseudo wife and have done everything a wife would do; so what would be point of getting married? I should have waited before I became the super wife/step mom.
HE moved for a job to the other side of the US, we argues alot and HE forced me to move in with him before I actually planned to. FLEW home to help me drive my vehicle to the other side of the US. HE then set the date and soon after cancelled (wants a better job, wants his family there, etc.). I told him I believe he doesn’t want to marry me. I am crushed.
Twitter: AdviceMaven
says:
It sounds like this marriage just will not happen. I know that is sad, but ultimately it is better to know now so that you can move on. Best of luck.
This is such a great subject and I think a true one if they hesitate and you really want to be married dump him and move on it ain’t going to happen…remember I’m married three times and I sure know at 63 what the signs are and this post is pretty darn accurate…..
Dorothy from grammology
grammology.com
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Twitter: razzorfish
says:
I don’t agree with ‘One of The Guys’ comment ,that if a guy is involved with any kind of stalling tactic, he is still on the lookout for something better.
Going by the experiences of some of my friends and colleagues, generally we guys are just plain scared of a lot of stuff. Scared of commitment, scared of showing our true selves, and scared of the institution of marriage and all it entails. There is probably a house to buy, and soon after there might be babies on the way. So that before we know it we are saddled with mortgage repayments and crying babies.
What we really need is a lot of reassurance that there is nothing to fear,and a shot of something very strong,to get us down the aisle!
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It reminds me of the movie, “He’s just not that into you”.
As hard as it might be, if marriage is extremely important to someone and their significant other doesn’t want to marry, I’m not sure forcing them is the way to go. I think at that point, decisions must be made about priorities.
Maria @ Conversations with Moms´s last blog ..“The Power of Half” book review
Thanks for the props! We appreciate it as always!
Guys are notorious for stalling. Any kind of stall tactic means he’s still on the lookout for something “better.”
And as far as begging goes, if a man or woman manages to convince their partner to marry them, resentment usually kicks in around the 6-7 year mark, if not sooner. Never a good idea.
Great topic as always!
Love to hear your thoughts on cheating. We’re doing a three part series giving three different guys’ viewpoints.
Thanks again!!
Twitter: trekkychick
says:
Oh my goodness I have so much to say about this topic and just a finite amount of space to do it.
Suffice it to say it reminds me of the movie “He’s just not that into you” where women always hope that they’re the exception and not the rule. And yet I’ve had enough female friends convince their significant others of YEARS into marriage that I know EXACTLY why we keep buying into that idea that we’re the exception too–we’ve seen it work!! I guess at this stage in my life I’m just too disenchanted to beg; I figure I’ll know commitment when I see it and I haven’t seen it yet!
I have to go with The Guys on this one. If a guy is really interested in marrying you, he makes that clear and you both discuss the when and where of the event. Life is too short and there is always another train. If a guy has not asked you to marry him after five years of being together, you are just a convenience and have wasted precious time. to quote Robert Frost, “Close the door. The heart’s gone out of it.”
Thanks for this post. It’s a good topic—a lot of women are unsure about how committed a guy is. It’s really sad to me if the guy actually proposes without the intention of getting married. I think there’s a mentality that “someone better may come along” (since we have SO much choice and so many ways to meet people).
These are all valid points and it’s so funny that we are an older couple and Bill asked me to marry him 7 years ago, but “things” kept getting in the way. At this point in time I don’t want to get married however I would have married him as soon as we got engaged, but it didn’t happen and now it doesn’t bother me at all because we are comfortable without complications. Maybe if I were younger it would bother me, but not now.
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Twitter: brandyellen
says:
Wow, there is a lot to think about here! Great list! As I am currently going through a divorce I am not going to be out in the field looking for anyone at this time, just focusing on myself and the kids but this list certainly serves good use to me for the future should I decide to date again.
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My fiance was big on the “right time”. He would tell me all the time, without me bringing it up how much he wanted to marry me, but he was waiting for a good job, financial security ecetera. I knew he wanted to be married, but he’s old fashioned and wanted to provide for me. Since we hadn’t been together all that long, I didn’t really worry about it. I hoped he would propose, but I didn’t stress.
He was also the one to push our wedding up to this year rather than next.
He ended up proposing when he was unemployed! He said he just couldn’t wait any longer and “right time” be damned.
So I definitely agree with your points. If he’s stalling, there’s a problem!
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Reading this post made me very sad. I really feel for women who want to get married but are involved with a man who will not marry them. I hope your post helps women to find what they want out of life.
Twitter: symphonyoflove
says:
It is good that you have listed out these signs for ladies to refer to and have an idea if their guys are stalling for time and won’t marry them. Actually intuition will warn some ladies about their men but most of the time being madly in love, they may unconsciously ignore what they were ‘hearing.’
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