If you’ve moved any time within the past few years, then this week’s title may having you saying “no way, moving equals stress, stress equals fighting.” Having moved at least eight times (as I sit here sounded by boxes I can honestly say I’ve lost track) and to five different states during my 16 years of marriage, I can assure you that I know moving is stressful. Of course lots of things in life are stressful and the best thing to do under any circumstance is to get support from your partner rather than just making sure that they share in your stress.
I know that this is easier said than done, but since I have become the “moving maven” I thought I’d share my biggest tip for keeping the peace in your relationship when it’s time to move. Although moving is stressful for everyone, I am mainly going to address this one to the ladies, since we tend to be the keeper of the nest (yes, that sounds sexist, but it sounds truthful too.) I’ve handled some moves better than others, and I’ve learned a lot through trial and error, so here is my number one tip for avoiding fighting with your man as you move.
Don’t mess with the “guy stuff” when it’s time to move.
We all know that guys have “guy stuff.” It may be never used tools, a set of weights buried in the basement, or fishing equipment that has accumulated cobwebs. The exact contents will vary with the personality and hobbies of your man, but he is sure to have something that takes up a fair amount of space that he hasn’t used in ages, if ever. Normally, it’s fine to ask him about getting rid of this stuff from time to time. Hey, you never know when you may get lucky and he’ll agree that it is time to get rid of it.
The big caution here is that the time to bring this up getting rid of the neglected items is not when you’re planning a move. Moving is a fine time to clear those places where things accumulate, like the basement and garage, but it works best if you each get rid of your own stuff. It’s tempting to make wise cracks about getting rid of his old stuff when you’re planning a move. Even though having a pile of unused items ready for packing and staring you in the face may seem like an opportune time to suggest purging these items, resist this temptation and stay quiet.
For the most part, I’m not usually a big believer in being quiet, but a move is one of those big stressful events in a relationship, where a seemingly small issue can cause a big argument. In fact, one of the most controversial dilemmas I’ve ever seen on LuvemOrLeavem had to do with a women disposing of her guys stuff without telling him first. I don’t usually have a lot of men that post comments, but the men were militant on this one. They were so unhappy with the actions of this woman, that they made it clear that they were voting “Leavem” only because there wasn’t an option of “He should leave you.”
So there it is, my biggest tip ever for not turning a move into a battle of the sexes. It may sound very simple, but as I’ve said before “sometimes the best way to improve communication in a relationship is to focus on what not to say rather than what to say.”
What do you think? Please share your thoughts, tips and stories about how moving can affect a relationship and how to handle the stress.
P.S. A big thank you to the great people over at DateDaily.com who featured us on their dating and relationship site.
Yeah that’s really a big problems those guys that are like that are pack rats they don’t want you or anyone throw those garbage away even if its not in use.
Trina Colon @ homes foreclosed las vegas´s last blog ..Las Vegas- Rehab Heaven-
[...] *For a light hearted look at moving take a look at Don’t Let Moving Stress Cause Relationship Stress. [...]
[...] a light hearted look at moving take a look at Don’t Let Moving Stress Cause Relationship Stress. [...]
I did the error once of messing with the “guy stuff” that I though was junk, so I threw it out. It took a long time for him to forget about that. If he ever did.
Maria @ Conversations with Moms´s last blog ..“The Power of Half” book review
You are an amazingly supportive wife! Eight times in sixteen years? Wow. And to top it off, you know not to mess with his “guy stuff” when moving. Your husband is truly blessed. (You can tell him I said so!) ;o) I’ve only moved six times in twenty-three years and I whine every time. Ha, ha!
Holly Bowne´s last blog ..Class Project
I don’t even touch his stuff now…much, so I know if we ever moved that he would be packing his stuff and I will do my own. I have moved so many times over the years and it is very stressful.
Jude´s last blog ..A Beautiful Message About Aging
Tina,
Hope you had a nice weekend.
Your site was one of the ones we gave props to with our post today. Enjoy!
Looking forward to your next post.
See ya!
Moving can be stressful under any circumstances. My husband, though, is organizer supreme. He bought totes and labeled them, then builtt shelves in our new garage for storage. He really cut back the stress factor for both of us by being organized.
askcherlock´s last blog ..Government by Crisis
My husband and I tend to unite against a common foe when faced with serious stress like moving. We get mad at outside forces rather than fighting with each other.
Twitter: symphonyoflove
says:
Have not been in such a situation yet and thus like Brandy, I am clueless that moving can be such a big issue. However, I think we need to respect each other and hence we should be consulting each other before throwing away things belonging to the other party. Shouldn’t that be the basic respect in a relationship?
BK´s last blog ..Invictus by William Ernest Henley
I just moved in with my boyfriend…totally agree that it was one of the more stressful times of my life. Mostly because we seemed to have 2 sets of everything, and since his stuff was better quality, I tossed a lot of mine—resentfully. I guess my point is, male or female, each person has an attachment to his/her stuff. So don’t mess with it, or comment about it…especially when moving. Good post.
Twitter: brandyellen
says:
I never thought moving would cause so many issues, wow! I don’t think I have ever moved with someone maybe that’s why I haven’t experienced it.
Brandy´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday The Cuteness
Well, you’re either masquerading as a Guy or just highly evolved!
Yes, Yes! Don’t ever touch your Guy’s stuff. Even if it’s his record collection that he hasn’t played in twenty years. Guys have their reasons.
So your point is a good one. It’s always best to bring this up BEFORE a big move, not during. It’s the same with any issue. It’s hard to resolve things in the thick of “Battle.” It’s always best to wait until things are back on solid footing. And that doesn’t mean right after sex. Even THE GUYS will know you were faking!