One of the most frequent questions that women ask on LuvemOrLeavem is “why won’t he marry me?” I actually created LuvemOrLeavem with these women in mind because I have known so many of them over the years. The thing that puzzles me most is that these women who have been hinting to their boyfriends for years that they want to get married are women that wouldn’t put up with being given the runaround in any other situation. These women make smart decisions in every other aspect of their lives, yet they stay in a situation where they seem to be the only ones that are unaware that these men will never marry them.
So why are these men so opposed to tying the knot? Although there are always specific details that vary among the stories of these couples, there are really only 2 main reasons why these men will not marry these women: 1) The man just does not want to get married 2) The man doesn’t want to marry that particular woman. I know this seems like an over simplification, but I think that delving into all the details of why a man is not marrying her, is what often causes women to get caught up in trying to turn these relationships into marriages.
Men Who Just Don’t Want To Get Married- There are some men who just have no intention of getting married. It’s easy to get caught up in the reasons why he doesn’t want to get married and to view them as barriers that can be overcome. If he has sworn off marriage because he went through an ugly divorce you may be tempted to prove that with you it can be different. If he thinks he is not the type of person who can be faithful, you may feel tempted to see the challenge as making sure that you prove to him that you can be exciting and desirable enough to make him never want to look at another woman again.
The problem is that not wanting to get married is about him, not about you. I’ve known women who date men who have told them for years that they never want to get married, yet they seem to think that if they wait it out he’ll change his mind. If a man tells you that he has no intention of getting married and backs that up by dating you for years without marrying, then take him at his word. He won’t be marrying you now matter how hard you try to change this.
Men Who Don’t Want to Marry a Particular Woman- This is a difficult scenario for a woman to accept. When a woman who has waited years for a proposal that never came watches that same man walk down the aisle with another woman, it’s hard not to have doubts about what was wrong with you and why he feels that this other women is so right for him. There are many reasons why a man may not want to marry a particular woman, and it doesn’t mean that anything was “wrong” with the first woman or that he didn’t love her enough to marry her.
It just means that the men weren’t sure that they were compatible enough for marriage. For example, I’ve known women who had careers that made their man think that work would keep them from being the kind of wife that they envisioned. On the flip side, I also knew a woman whose boyfriend felt that he could never be the dependable husband that she dreamed of having because he was a freelancer and never had a job with a steady paycheck. At the time, these women were heartbroken to see the men they had waited for walk down the aisle with someone else. It wasn’t until they met men that were compatible enough to marry that they realized that it truly wasn’t a strike against them that these other men had not wanted to marry them.
So there you have it, the two main reasons behind all the little reasons of why he won’t marry you. No matter which reason it is, the important thing is to move on from a relationship if you’ve reached the point where you want to marry him and he has shown that he doesn’t want to marry you. It’s hard to walk away from a relationship when you love someone and thought that they were “the one,” but ultimately it is much better than getting married to the wrong person.
What do you think? Why would a man date a woman for years without marrying her even after she makes it clear how badly she wants to get married? Please share your thoughts in the comment section.
P.S. For a humorous look at men who won’t tie the knot visit 25 Reasons Why He Won’t Marry You by Mike The Master Dater.
[...] delving into the two main reasons why some men date women for years but refuse to marry them, I was bombarded by emails from women asking “how do I know if he’s just a [...]
Twitter: AlisonMSmith
says:
(1) Because he gets what he wants from the relationship without having to commit to her.
(2) He doesn’t care that she’s not getting what she wants from the relationship.
(3) She continues to put up (and put out) with a guy who has no intention of getting married
(4) She fantasizes that he will change some day if she just ___________.
Alison Moore Smith´s last blog ..Best Toys: 60 Educational Family Games
There are men that get hurt in the past and are afraid that they will get hurt once again.
or
Some men are dogs and just want to have fun with women.
or
They are afraid to step into a marriage because they are not men that won’t own up to their responsibility and be a man, marriage is bless and the bed is undefiled. So if you have a super woman and she is 75% then she is a woman that you need to hold onto, you will look for another 25% that will equal 100%, who will you choose 75% or 25%????
Twitter: symphonyoflove
says:
I am clueless as to why some men don’t marry the women. From my personal experience, I wouldn’t be dating a woman if I didn’t see her as a potential girl to get marry with. The only reason why I would be pushing off the marriage is because I will want to be financially stable first and to be able to provide for a family before settling down.
BK´s last blog ..How Do I Love Thee?
It’s sad with two people in a relationship don’t share the same beliefs and values.
I would ask the reason’s why a Man wouldn’t want to marry his girlfriend. I would question his loyalty but I’m sure he has his version as well.
Twitter: GiftNoodle
says:
Wow, this is something that is indeed painful. Another side of this is the fellow who proposes to more than one at the same time. Says on the phone “I love you, I will see you tomorrow morning” and the next day takes off with his new finance, just a couple of weeks before your wedding. And the kicker … after she marries someone else instead of him he wants to carry on with the first as if nothing ever happened. Can’t believe the nerve.
branden´s last blog ..A Pink Wedding Dress?
I wish my first two hadn’t wanted to get married, that little piece of paper certainly makes it difficult to get away from jerks that think they own you. Good thought provoking post as usual, have a great weekend.
Jude´s last blog ..Nice Things Happen When I Least Expect Them
I have a friend who has been in a relationship for years with a guy who doesn’t want to get married. She has given up a future of a life partner, children, etc in the hopes that this man will change his mind.
Also to consider is why he should buy the cow when he gets the milk for free. Too many women give everything they have to a man right away. Men often think of them as clingy and dependent and don’t want to be a father to them. They will take the sex but when it comes time to get married they want a woman they respect. I don’t mean sexually but for a woman to stand up for herself and leave the guy if he isn’t giving her what she wants.
Jen´s last blog ..US Bank
Hi Tina,
Good post—read Mike’s as well and it’s funny how this is such a hot topic now. (Gottlieb’s book “Settling for Mr. Right” is inspiration for blog posts, too…)
Anyway, I was wondering if you had any clips/ posts from your speed dating event…how did it go?
It’s always so sad to witness this situation.
I guess the bottom line is I would want to marry somebody who wanted to marry me. I don’t want to have to twist somebody’s arm.
K´s last blog ..Miss Education
Twitter: sexylegsandbod
says:
Hi Tina,
interesting point, I guess you hit the nail on its head with your categories, some men are just not cut out for married life, some are with a girl they are not willing to commit to, in the hope that he will meet someone that he can commit to. And then there are some who just never grow up, and will always long for nights of drinking and fornicating, always wondering what the next girl will be like.
Thanks for leaving a thought on my last post, great to hear from you!
Colin.
sexy legs and body´s last blog ..SOME MORE READERS LEGS.
I agree with you Tina. Another point to keep in mind. Guys are no different than women in the sense that they have a pretty good idea a woman may be “the one” after the first few months.
If it’s been 3 years and the guy hasn’t married a woman it’s time to move on. Maybe even after two years, unless the couple is really young.
On another note: You’re the only person from EC i still keep in touch with. So it’s easy!
[...] My friend Tina wrote a post about this the same day! Actually, she might have given me the idea to write it. =) Go visit her post on Why he wont marry me. [...]
Twitter: masterdater
says:
Funny we wrote about the same thing today!
I would defiantly be in the first category. However, I do think I could be swayed by an exceptional girl.
I really loved my ex even though I was not into marriage. Location eventually killed our relationship but she could have pushed me over the edge!