Although there are many types of dating mistakes that women share with us, the mistake of dating a man exclusively too soon into a relationship is the one that is most often the real culprit that keeps women from finding that special guy. It may sound dramatic to call this the “biggest” dating mistake, but what elevates it to this level is that women often don’t recognize that dating exclusively so quickly is a mistake. This is a problem for both inexperienced and experienced daters, who not only make this mistake, but continue to make it over and over again. Here are some reasons why I think that women continue to make this mistake and why they need to break this habit:
Can’t See the bigger picture- Most women are great with details. After a relationship ends, women are likely to identify many of the details as to why that particular relationship ended. It’s important to recognize specific mistakes and to vow not to make them again, but it’s also important to see the big picture. A woman may realize that she was wasting her time with a man who wasn’t ready to commit, but this is just a detail about what is wrong with her dating strategy. The big picture is that it took her months to discover this about this man while ruling out all chances of meeting a man that was a better match for her.
Some things take time- You may need months of dating someone to discover the things about them that determine whether or not this relationship has the potential to last. In the example above, the big problem is not that it took months to determine that the man was not ready for commitment, the problem is that the woman didn’t keep her options open while she was making this discovery.
We often look down on women who date multiple men- When men aren’t dating any one particular woman exclusively, we may say that they are “playing the field” or give it some other term that shows approval. Woman who date in this manner are often described in much less flattering terms. Now of course if you are dating multiple men as you search for “the one,” you need to hold off on getting involved sexually with these men. First, you need to wait until you have been dating that special guy, who stands out from the others that you’re dating, long enough to determine if he has the characteristics that you want in a long term partner. Next, make sure that you are both seeing each other exclusively and are both looking at creating a lasting relationship, before you get sexually involved.
Women aren’t comfortable approaching this topic- Many women worry that a man will think that they are “slutty” if they let him know that they’d rather date a few men casually before deciding if they want to date one of them exclusively. Men actually seem to have a better handle on the concept that dating should be fun than women do, and many men complain to us that most women are looking for a relationship to become too serious too soon. Women need to keep in mind that even though their ultimate goal for dating may be to find a soul mate, they should still be having fun during the dating process.
More prospects = greater chance of success- If you’ve ever been in sales, you know that your chances of success are the greatest when you have multiple prospects rather than focusing all your time and energy on one prospect. I know that doesn’t sound very romantic, but the goal of finding a lifetime partner is even more difficult to achieve than the salesman who wants to land a million dollar deal. You would laugh at the salesman who only pursued one client after one meeting with them, yet we tend to see nothing wrong with the woman who starts dating a man exclusively after only one date.
So, if you are a woman looking for that special someone, or you know a woman who is searching, be aware of this “biggest” of dating mistakes. I’ve known many women that were finally able to find that special guy once they broke this habit of always dating exclusively. Instead of dating one or two men over the course of a year, they had the chance to date many men and compare the potential that they all had for becoming that lifetime partner.
What do you think? Do you think that dating should be exclusive? Or should it remain casual until you have enough time to decide if this is a person you want to date exclusively? Please share your thoughts in the comments section.
Ha, not sure this site is intended for guys but, informative as well..
Smitty´s last blog ..Product Information
Correction – “I wish I were LESS anal retentive about processing minute details.”
Let me just say that these traits are not specific to women exclusively. Some gay guys are like that, too. I know one of them. Hello
I wish I were more anal retentive about processing minute details, but think that dating several people at once is harmless as long as no sex is involved.
If he touches and tastes the fruits, who would want them? haha
Wilmaryad O’Scallas´s last blog ..Get Over a Breakup, My Way
Interesting points but even if women can adopt these changes, society will have to change too. Most women outside of the Western world are instantly scrutinized the moment they start dating more than 1 man, and the upheld image is still the woman who sticks to one guy.
Twitter: brandyellen
says:
This post is right on! I am one of those woman who get into a committed relationship too soon and thus end up in a situation of unhappiness and with the wrong man for me. It’s so hard to date more than one guy at a time, because of the judgment. I do agree to keep the sexual part of a relationship reserved for that one man in particular that stands out from the crowd and to be certain you both are at the same level with each other, this helps deter STD’s, cheating and emotional confusion.
Well written article!
Brandy´s last blog ..Piggy Paint Giveaway
I don’t remember having a wide variety of options for different dates when I was single. I mostly remember being in relationships. Of course, I had to kiss a lot of frogs so I don’t know that my case is the best to model.
Twitter: sexylegsandbod
says:
I would say keep it casual until you are sure…on second thoughts, hell it is a difficult question, I’d say it depends, play it by ear, but just do not get married too soon…
Excellent question, you have me here…
Colin.
sexy legs and body´s last blog ..SEXY LEGS: MORE READERS LEGS!
Twitter: ausetkmt
says:
excellent advice indeed. the less you tell the more mystery you retain. this helps you sort out the interest level clearly and usually quickly.
RE – A BadGalSays´s last blog ..Join Me and Be a Hero for Haiti – TEXT 501501 PLEASE
Every relationship is different just like each individual is different. If both couples are comfortable than it’s really up to them. As long as both parties respect each other’s wishes.
Maria @ Conversations with Moms´s last blog ..It’s official….I will be at
I’m not sure about this. My sense is, people become exclusive when they “know.” And in fact, I think there’s no way to really know UNLESS you date exclusively.
Dating around is fun and people should absolutely do it, but it doesn’t give a person the information they need to make a smart decision when choosing a life partner.
The chicken and the egg I guess.
I totally agree that you should keep all options open and just have fun, love and the soul mate thing comes when you least expect it. Many of us tend to act desperate and latch on to whoever is available and think we will turn them into the type of person we want. It doesn’t work and the dating scene is horrible and it certainly doesn’t get easier with age.
Jude´s last blog ..I’m Sharing My Spam Again
I definitely made this mistake. It’s a tricky one I think because it goes against a lot of what woman are taught.
K´s last blog ..Baby Steps
Twitter: symphonyoflove
says:
As for me, unless I am sure about the girl, I would actually suggest we do a ‘trial’ date and that each of us is free to date other people. Until the point that both of us are sure about each other, then we should move to exclusive dating. The point here is to communicate the intention so that both sides know what to expect.
BK´s last blog ..Reunited at The Rainbow Bridge
I’m an exclusive dater too. It is in my nature to be socially monogamous. I’ve always only had one BEST friend at a time. I think this works against me only if I am not honest about it and only if I start feeling insecure and get really intense, trying to spend every waking moment with the person. Ugh.
i have made, and continue to make, many mistakes in the “dating” category. i am one of those women that date exclusively. i have never been on a real date actually, so i guess i don’t have much experience with this, or advice. but i wanted to stop by and wish you a great night!
hugz!
PJ´s last blog ..Smart Ass!