I’ve written extensively about technology harming our relationships, and my ideas have been met with an equal number of readers that agree and disagree with me. My main concern is what happens to our relationships with the people that are most important to us when we send a text instead of seeing them in person, or when we are texting someone else when we should be giving our undivided attention to the person that is right next to us. I have to admit that I never thought much about the benefits that technology can provide during the early stages of a relationship when we are still getting to know a person and are trying to evaluate whether this relationship has the potential to become serious.
The person who really got me thinking about how use technology in a developing relationship is our newest Advice Panel video blogger, Mike the Master Dater, who has written the definitive guide about dating and texting. Not being one to text, I was surprised to find that as I read about how Mike uses texting that I could actually appreciate that it can be a valuable way to communicate, especially during that getting-to-know-you stage of a relationship.
So, what value can texting add to a developing relationship? And what it can it do for you that you can’t accomplish with a phone call? While talking on the phone is still part of the dating ritual during that flirting and getting to know you stage of dating, there are many potential pitfalls to talking on the phone. In fact, on LuvemOrLeavem we often hear about mistakes that women have made during phone conversations that they wish had never taken place. After going reading through many of these phone conversation horror stories and reading through Mike’s tips on dating and texting, I’ve compiled a list of features that I think make texting more appealing than speaking over the phone for a variety of dating situations.
Your Voice Conveys Emotion- When we want to very clear about how we feel about something we usually want to do so by phone. For example, when I tell my husband that he must be home soon because the kids are wild I do this by phone because my voice conveys that urgency (as do the screaming kids in the background.) Of course when you’re telling a guy that you’re just getting to know that it is “all right” that he can’t go with you to a party tonight, you probably don’t want your voice to convey just how disappointed you are. Let’s face it, it doesn’t matter how you word it as you try to sound casual, he will know how you really feel.
Most of Us Can’t “Wing It” in Conversation- We all know that witty person whose mouth can move as fast as their brain, but they are very rare. Most of us blurt out a reply when we feel that we are on the spot to answer, and then hours later our brain provides us with that witty reply that we wish we had thought of at the time. With texting you can take the time to formulate a response and maybe even think of that brilliant reply before you hit send.
Keeps You From Saying Too Much- Most dating coaches encourage singles to avoid revealing too much during lengthy phone conversations. In general, many coaches recommend that you not speak on the phone for much longer than is necessary to make the next date. They recommend this approach so that you save your most interesting stories and conversation topics for your actual date where they will have a greater impact rather than sharing all this over the phone.
For many people, especially women, it can be hard to stop talking once we get started. A simple “how was work?” can end up with a reply that gives a summary of an entire career. By the very nature of texting you will not accidentally spill your life story ahead of time even if you can make your thumbs fly across those keys.
Of course just like talking on the phone there are rules when it comes to texting during that flirting, getting to know you stage. The woman who stares at the phone waiting to reply instantly to a text from that new guy she met is just as bad as the woman who picks up the phone on the first ring as soon as she sees that it is him calling. Some of the rules in texting are the same as for phone calls, but since is it a whole different technology, texting also has its own special set of does and don’t s that will determine whether your flirting stage is successful or disastrous. To learn more about how to use texting to help your dating life visit Mike at MikeTheMasterDater, where he shares his tried and true texting tips as well as some very funny stories.
What do you think about texting and relationships? Do you text or do you avoid it in favor of calling? Please share your thoughts and stories in the comment section.
In this day this age sending a thoughtful text message or a funny email isn’t all that harmless; however, people tend to lose their sense of creativity overtime. A surprise phone call is always nice, especially if it has no purpose (e.g. hey, I’m just calling to say I’m thinking of you). A small, handwritten note here or two is also a very nice touch. But a barrage of meaningless texts with no purpose can get weary after a while. It’s still the thoughts and timing that counts!
Twitter: antypov
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I tried long distance relationships for six months but things just faded away after a while. I work at my relationships but if no one is there it’s tough to keep feeling it, I need the touch to feel connected.
Twitter: GiftNoodle
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Wow like so many things in our lives, I find technology has both helped my relationships and hindered them. (I sometimes gets so caught up in work that an interruption I often have no time for … bad me I know). And stress, well that’s another story.
What I’m finding is that I need to take the time, turn the technology off, and just spend time together. Simple things like enjoying good food together. Course if we’re too exhausted all the time, knowing what foods that boost your libido helps.
Ange´s last blog ..Foods That Boost Your Libido
Technology does not help when you can see your beloved often in the week.
Having them as contacts on all social networking websites and Instant Messengers is a bit too much.
If either partner is jealous, the most innocent public message on Facebook, for example, will make the relationship nonviable.
Worse, in the case of a breakup, the news is likely to go around and might make friends in common feel uneasy.
Blogs also can be the cause of unexpected and hurtful breakups. I know better.
Wilmaryad O’Scallas´s last blog ..Ghetto Fame
I am in a long distance relationship so technology not only helps my relationship – it’s a MUST. I don’t know how we’ll survive without it.
Twitter: ausetkmt
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I have to say that I think the internet has helped with alot of the dating and friend sorting. it’s especially helpful if you want to find out a bit more about the person, without them knowing. I’ve personally used it to check into peoples backgrounds; finding prison reoords when my spidy sense told me this person was hiding something. yes the internet has helped on both sides; if you use it right. somewoman recently found out her husband was a polygamist because of his googletrail. Yepper
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Twitter: symphonyoflove
says:
For me, I like to use text to some extent especially during the day when I know the other person is working. This allows the person to take his/her time to reply. While at night, I would prefer talking on the phone; hearing the person’s voice is a different feeling.
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Twitter: trekkychick
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I think as we balance texting with face-to-face and phone time, we’re good. I love getting a fun or sweet text from a significant other. I hesitate, however, to assert that we’ve mastered this balance of text and talk. I’ve seen grown adults (an ex-boyfriend of mine, so I’ll use the term “adult” lightly
resort to rude and hurtful texts in lieu of taking the time to think and talk in person later.
It’s like people forget these texts are permanently etched in time. They should be thoughtfully composed and frankly, if it’s such a sensitive subject that it requires such thoughtful composition, that’s a sign it should be a real, live conversation.
I think if someone really cares about you, they would prefer to hear your voice then just the “impersonal” text.
It can be convenient to use texting when you want to be private in public but should not be the main form of communication.
I’d rather call than text. Texting takes so much time. But my husband texts me with silly stuff , jokes and images to brighten my day. Since his job has limited time to do personal stuff, he texts me with this stuff. And I like it when he does.
I guess texting has a place in modern dating, but it’s definitely over done. I am so glad I am not young, dating is horrible.
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My wife and use texting as a quick way to check in with each other when we’re both working. It’s immediate but not as consuming as a phone call.
We see each other enough so we don’t need to chat during the day. Texting is a nice way to keep connected. And sometimes it can even turn into a nice bit of “textplay.”
FYI: I got into texting when I realized all my high school music students don’t email anymore. They text, and to some degree use Facebook to communicate. But now I’m hooked.
We don’t text because we are usually together. When we were working, though, we sent each other emails that were glue for our love. I much prefer conversation. You can only learn so much about a person through tech-usage.
Twitter: brandyellen
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I think if texting was an option (hubs hates it & refuses) then yes it can enhance the fun during the day … it would certainly make me giddy! LOL
I could think of some great texts to send that would be like flirting during the day. I do think technology and texting could enhance your relationship!
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I have been married for a number of years, but we use texting to keep in touch throughout the day. I may send my husband a text if something interesting happens or if I have a quick questions. It allows us to touch base and isn’t disruptive to the day.
why not, technology is the main thing that make close our relationship. I communicate with my friends by using orkut, yahoo. It not seems that they are far from me when I talk with them.
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I think texting is impersonal yet convenient. I have a male “friend” who LIVES for texting, especially girls. I think it says I don’t have the time to talk to you. But, for quick responses I think texting can be convenient. When a four conversation over text can be done in a 2o minute conversation, I have to wonder, Are they really lacking time?