Handling a break up is difficult for both men and women. There are many different ways to handle a break up, and they often depend on how serious the relationship was, how long the relationship lasted and whether wanting to break up was fairly mutual or strictly one sided. Of course it’s the break ups that are not mutual and the ones that bring the end to a serious rather than casual relationship that test our coping skills the most. I really don’t know much about how men handle break ups, but I can tell you that for women I tend to see the coping methods that I’m listing here over and over again.
The Rebounder- For some women the easiest way to forget the hurt of a relationship ending is to jump right into a new relationship. In general, it not good to jump into another serious relationship if you are still dealing with the pain of a previous relationship. This doesn’t mean that you can’t get out and date once you’ve accepted that your previous relationship is over, but taking it slow to try to avoid the mistakes of past relationships is usually better than falling too hard and too fast for a new love.
Cry it Out- Many women need to go through a proper period of grieving before they can get over a break up. Women tend to feel better after shedding tears, and many women can’t get all that sadness out of their system until they’ve had a good cry. I think that this is one coping technique that is almost exclusive to women. Most men seem to find it hard to understand that a woman who is puffy eyed and red nosed from crying it out is usually much closer to healing than a woman who is keeping all her pain bottled up. Which brings me to the next technique.
The Denier- Some women just don’t want to admit to themselves or anyone else just how bad they feel after a break up or how much they cared for the man in the first place. Many of the women I’ve seen that deny the pain that they are obviously feeling were in a relationship with men that treated them badly. There’s no reason to feel embarrassed about admitting that you feel hurt by the end of a relationship with a man that you know logically you are better off without. Love is rarely logical, and everyone has fallen for the wrong person at some point.
The Destructor- These are the women who tend to gather together everything that is from their ex or that reminds them of their ex, and get rid of it. I’ve received stories from women who have gathered all of these reminders together and have set them ablaze in the backyard as a way of coping. It may seem a little dramatic to some, but I like that the emphasis is all about moving forward rather than staying stuck in the past.
The Eater- These are the women who head to the fridge or the pantry to cure their break up blues. I can fully relate to a woman who decides that trying out every flavor of Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream is a good way to ease the pain of a break up. Of course there is only so long that you can use this approach before you start feeling worse rather than better, and this brings me to my final coping method.
The 5 Day Rule- This is one that I had never heard of until a few months ago. The general idea is that you have 5 days to deal with your break up in any way that you please. During these 5 days you can wallow in self pity, eat junk food, and listen to all those songs that remind you of him while crying your eyes out. Once those 5 days are up, the self pity and unhealthy coping methods need to be put to an end with a focus on how you can move forward. Of course the end of this 5 day period does not mark the point at which you will be healed, instead it marks an end to the period of wallowing in the sorrow of a break up and the beginning of a journey towards self improvement and moving forward.
So there you have it, the most common approaches that I have seen when it comes to women handling a break up. You’ve probably seen all of these behaviors at some point, and it’s likely that you’ve used at least one of the techniques when dealing with your own difficult break up. Everyone deals with a break up in a different manner depending on their personality and the situation, and the most important thread throughout all these methods is that eventually time heals all of the break up wounds.
What do you think is the best way to handle a break up? Do you have a special technique that you have found useful? Please let me know in the comments section!
I think its the same for men and women also, we just tend to act stupider perhaps
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Twitter: http://relationshipbreakupadvicenow.com/
says:
It’s really true that it’s both painful with men and women if breaking up happens especially when you still both in love with each other and still have to break up for some reasons, that’s the most saddest part of being in love, letting go.
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Twitter: razzorfish
says:
I think the five day rule sounds good in theory but is not really possible unless you are a robot!
From my experience, and all the people I have spoken to over the years who have gone through a painful breakup,it really does take time. A long time, for the mental wounds to heal.
Having the support of family and friends that truely understand how you feel goes a long way.
If you have someone who you can open up to,who just doesn’t wish to trash your ex every time you see them,who is positive in their outlook, they will help you get through the difficult periods you will go through.
In the end it’s all up to you, go through the grieving stage, and then summon up the determination to move on with your life.
I would have to say staying busy is #1. I personally like to just go out dancing with my friends.
When i broke up, i take my guitar and sing a song. That’s the best thing i can do.
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have yourself a very happy holiday tina…hugz!
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You forgot one: get stinkin’ drunkard.
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Twitter: sexylegsandbod
says:
There is no easy way going about this, and believe me, I’ve had my share. I think the only thing worse than this is losing a loved one to death.
Fortunately time heals most wounds, so best is to stay busy and look ahead. And yes, it sound easier than it is, but trust me, it gets better with time.
Thanks Tina for voting for me, I do apologize for only getting back now, I have had so much internet problems.
It was a real pleasure to post your pic, I am glad you are happy.
My wish for you and your loved ones is one of a peaceful and merry Christmas, may your day be one of joy and happiness, and may all your dreams come true.
Colin.
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Twitter: symphonyoflove
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I guess for guy, we may cry it out too. For me, there will be moments at night and in the quietness of my room where I would tear. I feel there is nothing to be ashamed about tearing because it helps to release the emotion and tension that are built up within. It is also a healthier way to release that emotion and tension. I had always felt better.
I think the 5 days rule is particularly interesting. We have often heard people saying time will heal. Yes, time will heal … eventually. But the question is how long? The rule sorta put a timeline to nursing a broken relationship and focusing on the healing after the 5 days. Usually for myself, I would allow myself to feel sad for a few days and then I would focus on moving on. Although I didn’t apply the 5 days rule, I feel that it may be necessary for some.
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Twitter: ausetkmt
says:
Me, well I think about what happened for a few days and I’m sad. then I add up the score, and move on. usually moving on means saying no more to that mess and not eating away the pain. i’d rather just plan a trip and have a good time with me. yeah I’m a cancer, so we bury our pain until we release it eventually – but we do.
Happy Holidays Girlfriend
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I really think that after a break-up you go through the stages of grief, especially if the relationship was a long one. Losing someone you care for is the death of a relationship. If we go through those natural stages, then healing comes and we start anew. And really, no matter which one initiates the break-up, grief is experienced (even subliminally) by both parties.
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It has been a long time since I broke up with anyone. I tended to go with the fall apart method. I guess it is a good thing that I have gotten married and don’t deal with breaking up anymore.
The rebounder seems to be more effective
But gathering together, hang-out with friends and fill ur time with activities can erase those memories too as time goes by
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I don’t think the techniques are way different for guys. Besides the ones you mention, throw in some partying and drinking, but it’s all similar.
Guys would probably fall mostly with the deniers or rebounders. They might try to have sex with as many women as possible to make them feel better.
My steps:
1. Talk to my friends who are part of the sewing circle. (Guys who like to talk about this stuff)
2. Keep busy.
3. Don’t jump into something new for a bit.
4. Feel sad.
5. Get angry.
6. Move on finally.
OK, maybe I am a woman. I knew it!!!!
When I was young, I’d get angry want revenge and then eat…
Glad I’m beyond that what a brat I was.
Dorothy from grammology
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Twitter: brandyellen
says:
I love this write up, never heard of the 5 day rule!
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I used to be the Rebounder, then turned into the Eater, and would like to try the 5 Day Rule from now on – if from now on there is, that is.
Miss Tina, funny how you wrote about this topic when I planned to do so, too! Excellent advice, as ever.
I wrote something about this topic a year ago. This is it; http://www.ilovehateamerica.com/a_filipino_immigrants_lov/2008/09/oh-how-do-you-m.html
That’s how I handled the pain after the break-up.