As the holidays approach, women often begin to move their desire for a marriage proposal to the top of their wish list. This may be a result of all the advertisements for jewelry that flood radio and television this time of year, or it may be out of a desire to share one more joyous occasion with friends and family that we may only get to see during the holiday season. Of course there are those women who may be hoping for a proposal just so they don’t have to face that awkward moment when all their female relatives descend on her boyfriend demanding to know just when it is that he plans to marry her.
While getting engaged during the holidays can provide a special opportunity to share this occasion with extended family, it can also give this event more fanfare than you may enjoy. Although most holiday engagements take place privately between the couple and are later shared with family, there are those men who just can’t resist proposing in front of a built in audience. The problem with a public proposal is that it often involves something bigger and flashier than a private proposal. No matter how a man decides to propose to a woman, I do think that there are some questions that he needs to ask himself to make the most out of popping the question.
Is this all about me?- The root of my problem with big, flashy engagements stems from the fact that many men that choose this route are big attention seekers. When asking someone to marry you, you need to carefully consider whether the person you are proposing to would really want the engagement to be a big display. If you are proposing in front of friends and family, then this may be what she wants too. On the other hand, if you want to pop the question at a sporting event with the two of you displayed on a big screen monitor, you may be trying to make this all about you.
Sharing a special moment with a stadium full of strangers and a camera zoomed in on her every move is not usually the way most women envision their engagement. Now of course your beloved may be just as much as an attention seeker as you are, in which case you should remember that a big public proposal still has a slim chance of landing the two of you your own reality television show.
Am I trivializing this event?- A few years ago there were all types of stories popping up about proposals that were delivered via text message. Recently, there seems to be a recent rash of FaceBook and Twitter proposals in the news, and just like texting, I can’t imagine why anyone would want to take such an important moment and make it so impersonal. Tiffany at Engagement101 just did a post about these Twitter Proposals, and I have to agree with her assessment that “there’s something tacky about mixing romance and technology.”
Do I really want to hide that ring?- Hiding a ring among a dozen roses or somewhere at her place where she will find it during the day are popular suggestions on lists of proposal ideas, but if the ring isn’t found or gets lost, this plan is disastrous. Of course if you’re entertaining the idea of “surprising” her with a ring by hiding it in food, you really need to consider just how badly this could go.
Am I making this personal? There are all kinds of companies that have sprung up that promise to create a “personal, never to be forgotten” proposal for you. As far as the “never to be forgotten” part, the kind of proposal that these companies can create is only limited by your wallet. They can plan a proposal high up in the Eiffel Tower, on the beach in Maui, and can even arrange for a plane with a “Will you marry me?” banner in these exotic locations.
Of course, I don’t think that any company can create a “personal” proposal for you. Keep in mind that the first two definitions of “personal” are 1) coming from a particular person and 2) intended for a particular person. A personal proposal needs to be something that comes from the heart. The words should express that you want more than anything to spend the rest of your life with her. If you can convey this sentiment to her, then that is more precious than a fancy location or even a giant diamond.
So there are my “rules of engagement.” They are not trendy, they don’t require any special abilities and they are not dependent on a large budget. While it is important to make this event special, it is important to keep things in perspective and remember that a proposal is still merely the first step towards a lifetime together.
So what do you think about proposals? Big and fancy, plain and simple or somewhere in between? Of course if you’d like to share your engagement stories we’d love to hear those too! Please share you thoughts in the comments section.
Twitter: GiftNoodle
says:
Wow, what can I say except you’re absolutely right on. My guy drove 2000 miles to meet me and propose – quietly and sincerely. No fanfare, just perfect.
I also agree about keeping holidays separate from other special occasions – you really don’t want Christmas or any other holiday to eclipse your special day (or ruin it forever).
Cheers,
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My husband was going to propose on Christmas but was unable to wait. We ended up getting engaged on December 11.
Twitter: trekkychick
says:
I was engaged once in my early twenties to a guy I dated all through college; he wrote me a song about wanting to spend his life with me and sang it to me in my apartment right before he proposed. It was personal and sweet, but not over the top. And the ring was easily accessible in his pocket, not somewhere ridiculous like hidden in the guitar strings, lol. I think that was the perfect way to do it.
I think hiding the ring is definitely not a good idea. It could go terrible wrong quickly.
My husband proposed on a random Saturday while we were having a picnic. It was simple and perfect.
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Twitter: symphonyoflove
says:
I guess whether to make it grand or something small, public or private, it really depends on the partner. As you mentioned, the proposal is not about me only, we have to think of our partners too. In the process of making the proposal memorable and personal, our partners need to be comfortable too. The most important thing is the sincere interest to be engaged with the other person.
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I think a surprise moment, when it is dreamed of but not quite expected, is wonderful. But I would add that fanfare with lots of people around would take away the intimacy. As far as “planners” go, if he can’t devise a sweet moment you may be in for a boring time.
I personally like simple and low key. Bill played Ann Murray’s Can I have this Dance which made me cry and then proposed. He let me pick out my own ring which being low key I chose a Ruby with diamonds on either side because I don’t care for diamonds and when I showed it to his Sister she commented, “Oh how sweet your pre-engagement ring, which hurt Bill’s feelings because he had tried to buy me a diamond and I had made him look cheap, well it was my choice. Not sure when we’ll get married though if ever. I could call it a companion ring I suppose.
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My story of my engagement to my husband is quite memorable because it happened in a kinda odd way. I knew he would gonna marry me but he never said it. So , I was the one who asked, but not “Will you marry me?” but instead , I asked him, “When are we gonna get married?” He said a date and then what happened was that he just blurted out “We should get married ” about a year and half before he plans to get married to me. Instead what happened, our wedding came about 1 year before his planned date.
The funny thing is ,I never thought of any engagement ring. I had faith in his proposal so why do I need an engagement ring? But then he surprised me. One day before our wedding date, he gave me the engagement ring—-would you believe a day before the wedding, I got my engagement ring? Hehehe….Just sharing here.
No way would I propose on a holiday – what if she said no? Arbor day would be ruined!
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Every guy needs to read this.
The most important part of getting engaged is…….ready…….getting engaged. That in itself should be enough. And if it’s not, the couple’s got some problems ahead!
Enjoyed this read. Thanks!
What about a lifelong commitment without the fanfare without the piece of paper, instead a deep understanding and a gorgeous ring (of course)?
If I was to ever become legal, I would prefer very private and intimate, for this occasion is just that. I may not even tell anyone come to think of it, for the only reason for marriage unless children are involved is for easier maneuverability within the legal system. Marriage has no meaning. The meaning lies in the deep and abiding passion two people have for each other. No piece of paper can create that.
xxoo
There are really a lot of women I know who really wish they get the marriage proposal on Christmas …
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