Our ability to connect more easily to the rest of the world seems to have left many people less connected in their real life relationships. I’m always amazed at how many people I see ignoring the person next to them while they talk or text on cell phones or check emails on BlackBerries. I also notice how many people post problems to LuvemOrLeavem that are centered around technology invading their homes in the form of FaceBook, chatrooms, and even video games.
I’ve written before about the problems that come from using technology for any type of cybersex relationship, and most people seem to recognize how this behavior can be destructive to a relationship. For this post, I’m focusing on uses of technology that we usually view as harmless and even a “natural” part of everyday life. These “harmless” technologies can be just as harmful to a relationship because we accept them as part of our lives, yet they can take away precious time that we should be spending with our loved ones. With that said, I do think that by following some rules that are really rooted in common courtesy, that we can eliminate letting technology destroy our relationships.
Cell Phones- If you are out with a real live person, enjoy their company and forget about the phone. Unless it’s your child, or some dire emergency call, just let it go to voice mail and call them back later. In any case, there is never a reason to be on a long phone call while you are out with someone. The most offensive thing is when I see people that are on a cell phone while they are out having dinner with someone. The other person looks bored to tears. To add insult to injury, when you catch a bit of their conversation you will often hear the person say into their phone “nothing, what are you doing?” The rules for texting and mobile email are the same as for talking–emergency use only.
“Socializing” on the Internet- This includes FaceBook, Twitter, chatrooms, or any other form of socializing on the internet. If the time you spend with friends online takes away from time that you can spend with real live people, then there is a problem. I hear complaints all the time from men and women about how their partner will ignore them and sit in front of the computer for hours updating Twitter and FaceBook. As a general rule, I don’t think that you should be socializing on the internet when there are people around you that you can socialize with. I also think it’s a problem if you turn down opportunities to socialize in person in favor of staying home and “socializing” on your computer.
Video Games- Until recently, I thought that video game addiction was strictly a problem that only affected kids. Of course video games have been around for quite some time now. So these kids have had a chance to grow into adults that may never have broken this addiction.
I read about one very sad case where a woman was struggling with how to manage her husband’s video game addiction. He was ignoring her as well as many of his responsibilities in favor of playing these games. She tried learning the games to turn this into something that they could do together, but it consumed too much time. Setting limits on the time spent playing was another thing that she tried, but the addiction almost seemed like that of an alcoholic. Even the smallest amount of playing seemed to turn into hours. After reading her story I really felt that it sounded like he needed to go “cold turkey” when it came to playing video games.
So whether the problem is cell phones, the internet or video games, technology is something that should make our lives simpler. When technology starts to complicate our lives by harming our personal relationships, then it’s time to make some changes in our behavior. If you find that you have trouble setting and sticking to limits on your use of technology, then you may need to seek professional help. It may seem strange to think about seeking help for a technology addiction but it’s better to address it rather than reaching the point where you are more comfortable interacting through technology rather than having face to face conversations.
So what do you think? Can using technology be a real addiction? Please share your thoughts in the comments section.
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I find it hard being a guy meeting woman sometimes in random places. Your on the bus, coffee shop, library, shopping in a mall and you see this gorgeous girl and you cant even approach her because she is on her cell phone or ipod/iphone the entire time your looking to strike up a conversation, and if you do you get frowned on because your invading their personal space. It sucks being single and meeting someone because they are too caught up with technology.
I think technology is making it more difficult to be allow ourselves to focus on one person. Constantly distracted by cell phones and text messages and facebook, it is becoming even harder as a single woman to go on a first date with someone who will make eye contact the whole time without gazing at their phone…alas, the good old days!
There is an element of anonymity that comes with technology. So while technology rings more of us together (i.e., we become aware of each other’s presences), it doesn’t necessarily draw us closer together. There are definitely exceptions! But overall, it seems that technology is just a springboard into what should develop into more inter-personal communication.
Good post and very timely!
Rebecca´s last blog ..I Need Some Love
Just stopping by to say hey. Looking forward to your next post! Have a great weekend.
You have raised accurate observations . Technology , by its purpose reconnects people but in essence, it destroys relationships by breaking interaction. It has affected my relationship with some friends because some of my friends would message me on FB or email me rather than call me.
Great topic. I think there are too many people who are stuck to their phones like glue, especially with how easy it is to text, email, surf the web, use Facebook etc…
It started with people talking on the phone and having conversations on the phone while out with friends, spouses etc…., now it’s moved on to so much more.
I can’t imagine forgoing food to read an email.
vange´s last blog ..All for a Marble
Twitter: sexylegsandbod
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In my opinion technology is definitely interfering with relationships. Cell phones can be a real pain in the behind, specially people driving while on the phone.
I further have to admit, I am quite addicted to blogging, but I try to keep some form of balance.
Great post Tina!
Colin.
sexy legs and body´s last blog ..LONG OVERDUE!
I’ve seen it harm many relationships, but I feel it actually depends on the people and for some it can be very addictive and they can’t seem to stop technology taking over their lives. Very good post as usual.
Jude´s last blog ..Does Project Wonderful Work For You?
Inever thought this could be a problem however I think your right and it can be as serious an additiction as gambling and I’m not so sure it doesn’t diminish some of there social skills.
Therefore good post and great subject to ponder.
Dorothy from grammology
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Dorothy Stahlnecker´s last blog ..Sometimes Thank You’s arent enough
I have found that technology has helped improve some of my relationships. It allows my husband and I to keep in touch while working and allows me to “talk” to people I wouldn’t otherwise contact during the day. I think it depends on how technology is used.
Twitter: AdviceMaven
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I agree with all of these wonderful comments. It does make me wonder where the future of relationships is headed. The more advanced the technology becomes, the more addicting it seems to be. I hope that we don’t lose our skills for communicating face to face.
I’m also glad that the issue of extreme computer use during periods of unemployment was mentioned. We’re seeing a lot of that here in the Bay Area where both unemployment and all things technical dominate most people’s lives.
Tina T´s last blog ..Should a Cheater Be Forgiven?
I think technology is not only destroying relationships, it is keeping some people from developing normal social skill-sets which are key to living a fulfilling real life, as opposed to a virtual one.
I definitely think technology can be addicting and damaging to a relationship.
I too am always amazed at how many people would rather talk to their cellphone than the person they are sharing a meal with. I’m a big believer in turning the phones off now and then.
K´s last blog ..Toddler Mood Whiplash
Technology is most definitely changing and affecting relationships that we once knew.
These days the anonymity of online meeting gives people a false sense of security and it also allows them to be someone other than who they really are.
Yes, there are some online relationships that have worked but far more that have not because of the cloak and dagger option.
Like anything in life…a balance must be used and when it comes to time online or gaming even watching sports or soap operas on television….it should have a balance.
Our kids have fallen into a desensitized generation thanks to our technology with cell phones. They sit in circles next to each other and texting is their way of communication.
This has created a generation of desensitized people.
Common sense and balance and even a bit more manners are a must in any successful relationship.
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The problem in my case is that my husband is unemployed and sits in front of his compter 24/7 blogging. I work a full time job while juggling the kids, housework and cooking. He has fun all day with his website and online friends. I know the job market is bad right now but this is Ridiculous! He ignores me when I talk to him and gets mad if I suggest we spend time togeather because he is blogging or surfing the web trying to get some traffic with Entrecard! This goes on everyday including the weekends, I am at my breaking point. Yes I think the Internet has destroyed my marriage.
We agree with you completely. Nothing is more rude than someone answering a cell phone during dinner. Or talking while they’re in line for coffee.
And yes, social networking should never replace real socializing. Some people are a bit confused these days.
Video games are huge, especially with 20 and 30 something guys.
It does seem that we’re on the same page with our posts. Our Facebook entry was obviously a tongue and cheek essay, much more about how life has gotten out of control rather than about Facebook.
Twitter: trekkychick
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iPhones are destroying my relationships. I have multiple friends who interrupt our in-person discussions mid-conversation because their iPhones vibrate, indicating they have an email. People have survived the past 10 years eating at a restaurant for an hour without checking their email, and in fact people survived long before that without email at all, so I don’t know why people are now forgoing common courtesy and self-restraint to obsessively check technology rather than enjoying the opportunity to be present with the person who is right in front of them.