Usually I am the type of women that strongly believes that women shouldn’t be afraid to be assertive. I know women who have taken to asking a man for his card instead of giving out her phone number so that she can be in charge of whether a call will be made rather than being the one waiting for the call. I also have no problem with a woman asking a man on a date if she chooses to. The one area where I do feel strongly that the man has to take the lead is when it comes to proposing.
It may sound sexist , but usually once a women has put a large amount of time and energy into a relationship she more often than not wants to get married. The ideal situation is that once a woman has reached this point, the man that she’s been dating will also have reached this point. Unfortunately, this is not always the case.
So, what should a woman do when her hopes of tying the knot are met with “not now?” Some women walk away realizing that they are both at different points in their lives when it comes to what they want out of a relationship. Many others see this as a signal to try to convert him into someone who wants to get married. The tactics that women choose to use on their quest to get him to want to be married vary tremendously, but here are some of the most common.
Hinting- Some hinting is subtle like the woman who in November starts slipping into the conversation that Christmas is a great time to get engaged. Of course, some women are very direct and will announce to their man “that’s the ring I want when we get engaged” as they pass the window of a jewelry store.
Nagging and Begging- This is the point where any traces of subtlety are gone and the topic of when they will get married dominates most conversations that are started by the woman. I do know some women that have managed to get an engagement ring this way, but for the most part the ring was a stalling tactic and they still have not gotten married.
She Proposes to Him- Like nagging and begging, this is a tactic that I believe never ends well. If he were ready to be married he would be proposing, and if he isn’t proposing he either isn’t ready to be married or he has some doubt about marrying her.
No good can come from trying to get a man to marry you if he isn’t ready. As much as it may hurt when any of these tactics don’t work, it is still better to be rejected by a man who isn’t ready to get married than it is to end up marrying such a man.
The following video clip from a recent episode of MTV’s Is She Really Going Out With Him? shows an extreme example of how one woman wants so desperately to marry her boyfriend of 3 years, that she has overlooked the fact that he is not worth marrying. She goes from begging and nagging all the way to proposing by presenting him with a beautiful diamond ring. As bad as his behavior is in response to her question, I think you’ll agree that the only thing worse than dating this guy would be marrying this guy.
Absolutely agree, marriage proposal has to be natural, strait from the heart and not forced or hited.
I agree with you. It’s never good to force someone into marriage and for sure the woman should wait for the man to ask her. If he doesn’t and she wants to, she should either be patient and wait or cut him loose and look for someone else. It is pathetic when a woman just wants to be married and doesn’t care about who it is.
Karen, author of “My Funny Dad, Harry”’s last blog post..Abby’s First Car Ride With Us
Hi there,
I would like to add here that Dating is not so famous or I can say not available in my country (in a different way). there you find woman never propose man at any situation.. I also like the idea of women proposing to men. why men always push. I guess My views will be slightly different. Most marriages have been fixed by the brides or grooms parents so there is no other way to propose a man or a woman.
well, your article is wonderful..
thanks for share
I guess my philosophy has always been that if it’s meant to be, it will. I also think the man should ask, though. Call me old fashioned, but if his heart and mind are strongly into loving you, he will ask. If it takes too much time, I guess I would broach the subject and if it received a negative response, move on! Someone once said, “There is always another train.”
cher’s last blog post..A Bad Afghanistan Drug Policy
I think it depends on the relationship. For me, I am a traditionalist. I waited for my husband to ask. I do have a friend who gave her boyfriend an ultimatum and it worked very well for them. They have been married for 12 years and have 2 beautiful children. Apparently he just needed a little push.
Interesting. I still believe it’s ok for the woman to ask the guy, but I think there’s a nagging point that should never be forgotten; many men tend to get complacent, comfortable with the relationship the way it is. The marriage conversation should be had at the beginning, during and up until it happens
I think you hit the points on the head!
OK, i got to be honest my mom proposed to my stepdad and they have been married for 26 years. On the other side of the coin my brother-in-laws g/f (who I am friends with) has all but proposed and he just isnt there. (side note my brother-in-law is 9 years older than my husband and we have been married for 9 years). I agree with the article but than I see my parents and well..
verusmom’s last blog post..Busy Week
I agree with the article. If he really wants to marry you, he will ask. You won’t have to drag him and play all those little games.
When a man really wants a woman, nothing will stop him. He will stake his claim quicker than a gold prospector! Put a ring on it!
Anyone that’s in your life and still not trying to put a ring on it after a year or more is full of it, and just playing you along waiting for something better to come. Usually. I know that there are exceptions to this, but not many!
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I’m with Nelia. Taking this view is not about who gets the power–it’s about certain trait differences. Most men go running as fast as they can in the opposite direction if someone (anyone–man or woman) tries to nail them down, especially if they interpret any kind of action as manipulation. It’s fine to talk about your relationship and where you want to go with it, but you have to do it in a non-judgmental way that doesn’t make him feel manipulated. Best way is to let him ask, but let him know you’re open to it but not trying to push him. And the second he feels you’re judging him for being slow off the mark, he’ll get really uncomfortable with you and may not even know why himself.
I’ve watched as several women very close to me pushed and pushed until they got the guy to cave (as others have mentioned, eventually they blinded themselves to the fact the guy wasn’t worth it). All are divorced now and happy to be out of the relationship.
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I think that is excellent advice.
Who wants to marry somebody who isn’t really into the idea? Receipe for trouble.
K’s last blog post..Home Again
I agree with you in that trying to make a man want to get married is not the way to get it done. People will do what they want to do in their own time and if they get married too soon, then they will regret doing so which could cause a fall out and the relationship to end.
Some women are desperate or nervous about not getting married when they want to so it can be frustrating to be with a man for many years years and not have a ring. The solution would probably be to break the relationship off if it’s not going anywhere but then the issue about time comes up.
How many women are willing to end a long relationship because they aren’t married to go out and find another man? That is not always easy so some women may find it easier to try and “land” the man that they have invested so many years with.
Nicole/MadlabPost’s last blog post..What Movie Fans thought of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Hi! seems like my comment on your past post (cyber relationship) didn’t get through.maybe it wasn’t saved?anyway,you’re pretty right on this one – if a guy wants to marry u, he will ask.i’ve read articles saying that a lot of men get “scared” when their girlfriends start talking about marriage (when they’re not yet ready for it). I think a lot of men prefer to be given that moment to propose at the right time.
Femmepower’s last blog post..Five medical tests women should take
my husband didn’t propose to me (formally, that is). after 7 years, he said i think it’s time to prepare for our wedding. very unromantic:-). no engagement ring to show, no engagement story to tell. we got married after 8 years (more than 1 year wedding prep). we got married on a hill:-).
wendy’s last blog post..A Peek Into the Lives of Undocumented Workers in Seoul
I think, too, that by the time marriage is an issue for most people (not ALL people, but most), you’ll know the proposal is coming because you’ll have talked about it. I think the age of proposals coming out of nowhere is in the past. I feel like all of my friends knew it was coming because they were open and honest about how they felt and where they stood in the relationship. I know this isn’t always the norm, but I think it’s becoming so more and more.
Marty J.’s last blog post..Geesh – I forgot!
I wanted a guy to marry me so bad…now, I’m so glad it didn’t happen. Things will play out however it is suppose to…let fate do what she will!
Lori@Not Always Charming’s last blog post..Lawyers
I must say, guessingg what’s in ‘his’ mind is a real big mystery. men can be real unpredictable as far as what’s running through their mind at any point of time of life.
I recently read a fantastic and very humourous novel,”The Ultimatum” By Dan Grazino.
The story revolves around all the elements of your article. Do read it, whenever you happen to get a chance.
Keep up the wonderful work.
cheers!!
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I feel it’s so old fashion and I don’t like that I think this but I do feel like it should be the man that proposes. However, if a friend of mine told me that she proposed to her boyfriend, I’d probably applaud her.
Maria@Conversations with Moms’s last blog post..VlogEmotions – Relief and Anticipation
it’s good to see that i’m not alone in this one as the first man commenter. i’m glad you wrote about this though because it needs to be said. a man should be the one who proposes. and women need to be patient about that. he will do it if he wants to and when he’s ready. anything earlier than that will only cause problems.
Russell’s last blog post..Day 37: Diminishing Returns
I’m going with Nelia. I think proposals should definitely be the man’s territory. I watched the mtv clip you posted and all I can say is that guy is definitely not worth it. Poor girl… She’s pretty and seems to be so sweet, it’s sad that she’s fell for such a jerk
ChinkyGirLMeL’s last blog post..Crazy Love & Toxic Girlfriend
Ugh! I hate to be such a traditionalist, but for my own tastes, proposing is a man’s territory. If he doesn’t have the balls to propose, he likely doesn’t have the balls for marriage.
Nelia’s last blog post..Teacher’s Pet : The Hank and Nelia Love Story, Part II
I guess my opinion will be slightly biased because I tend to write advice about “hinting.” You definitely shouldn’t force someone to get married, but I can understand that feeling of, “Ugh, will he just ask already?” For that reason, I like the idea of women proposing to men. It takes the power out of the hands of men and into women. Sure they can say no, but I think it’s better than just sighing every time you past a jewelry store or something.
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