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Is a Cyber Relationship Cheating?

laptop cyber relationshipOn LuvemOrLeavem we often have dilemmas where the votes and comments very clearly fall into the Luvem camp or the Leavem camp.  When the votes hover at over 90% for Luv or Leave it is clear that visitors are very united on which action the writer of the dilemma should take.  Of course we have some dilemmas where voters are nearly evenly split and the comments are lively with strong sentiments on each side.  One topic that often has our voters split down the middle is the issue of cyber or internet relationships.

Cyber Sex

When we think of internet relationships interfering with our romantic relationships, the first thing that comes to mind is cyber sex.  These sexy chats can take the form of free chatrooms or paid services and as the name implies, the purpose is to give and receive very intimate and arousing details during these “chats.”  Not surprisingly, the person doing the chatting usually claims that cyber sex is not cheating, while the partner of the “chatter” often feels that it is a form of cheating.

Many of the women that comment on these cyber sex dilemmas agree that this is a form of cheating, but there is also the group that firmly believes that this is a harmless way to put some “spice” into a long term relationship.  We also see arguments that a man will be less likely to physically cheat if he gets this extra cyber excitement on the side.  Of course the counter argument is that these men will be more likely to cheat because this is step one on a path to being stimulated sexually outside the relationship.

Internet “Friendships”

For cyber sex relationships even those that think that they’re harmless will usually acknowledge that they can understand how they could be viewed as cheating.  The situation becomes more complicated when the internet relationship does not invove sexual details but is more of a friendly chat with a member of the opposite sex.  Actually, many women are more threatened by these relationships than they are by the cyber sex type.

I can understand this, because there are often details that are shared that could enhance their real life relationship if they would put enough faith in their partner to share these details with them.  A common theme of these relationships is that people are sharing details about themselves that they believe they can’t tell their partner either because their partner won’t understand or flat out won’t care.  People in this situation need to share these things with their partner and whether this results in their relationship becoming closer or falling apart, at least they have been honest.

The big question to ask yourself?–Does you partner know about this relationship? When you’re sneaking around having a cyber relationship behind your partner’s back then it is cheating whether it is cyber sex or an internet friendship.  If you’re hiding it, then you either believe in your heart that it is not harmless or you know that it is something that your partner would find objectionable.  Either way, once lying and dishonesty surface in a relationship, it is the start of a downward spiral.

Of course there are those couples where the other person may know all the details of the internet relationship and not mind, but I would still caution against any relationship that takes time away from you and your partner.  Most of us feel that we don’t have enough time with our loved ones as it is, so why split that time ever more?  Plus, if both of you are open to wanting to add some spice to your relationship, I’m sure you can find some way that is more romantic and doesn’t involve the internet.

***Special Note- Video Blog Series***

Here are the video replies from our advice panel vloggers and their take on cyber relationships and cheating.

25 Responses to “Is a Cyber Relationship Cheating?”

  1. Alison @ Femita
    Twitter:
    says:

    I think cyber relationships are actually not always a bad thing. They can be an opportunity for people to experience some of the excitement they have lost in their relationship and talk about their fantasies, without getting into the danger zone of ‘real’ cheating.
    Alison @ Femita´s last blog ..Why Men Cheat On Their Wives And How To Prevent ItMy ComLuv Profile

  2. debnmolley says:

    Thank you all for your support.. It’s either open and honest or to each his own. Had I know today 3 years ago (today’s our anniversary ) I would never have marrieemi==him. I really love hime a lot but he has issues from childhood molestationon upu that he’s never dealt withl Someone out there, say a prayer for me please ?

  3. shery says:

    sure its cheating if someone is hiding it mean there is no trust any more
    shery´s last blog ..تحميل فيلم شعبان الفارس بطولة احمد ادم نسخة اصلية My ComLuv Profile

  4. [...] written before about the problems that come from using technology for any type of cybersex relationship, and most people seem to recognize how this behavior can be destructive to a relationship.  For [...]

  5. Hesham says:

    Anything trick will consider a cheating if it’s not knows by the other partner!

    Hesham’s last blog post..How to Stripe a Single Line of Advertising Message on your Blog

  6. Bobby says:

    My opinion in general is that if you’re hiding it from your partner, it’s wrong, and if your partner views it as cheating, then that’s what counts. You know I’m big on communication :)

    I do believe, just like “Poly” relationships, different people do different things to spice things up when needed.

    Cyber friendships are fine in my book, but unless your partner is involved about any cyber-sex you’re having online, it’s cheating.

  7. There is no doubt that a cyber relationship is cheating, especially when kept secret. It can become the beginning to an actual affair. It begins with mental stimulation that leads to one or both parties to take some kind of action.

    There are many marriages that are broken because of online relationships. It can begin with a simple email and the next thing you know, the entire focus and energy of that person is on this cyber relationship. I agree that sometimes people in relationships hardly spend enough time with each other, yet they will find a way to get online and spend countless hours investing in this secret cyber relationship. When people connect online and develop some type of secret relationship, it can become the beginning of the end for the real relationship/marriage at home.

    Marin@TheLoveIdiot’s last blog post..How do you take a hard loss?

  8. ANGIE says:

    my boyfriend and i emailed daily for 6 months before he moved from maine to LA to be with me we had a hot cyber relationship so WHEN he freind requests tons of girls that he doesn’t know so he can look at there pictures or chat with them so they can tell him how funny charming and talentd he is i feel cheated on.i have guys- married guys try and chat with me all the time i use to ignore THEM all but sometimes i think maybe i should try and find someone who feels the same about this stuff.are all men like this? it hurts but talking about it doesnt seem to change anything.

  9. wendy says:

    hi, i’m new here. your post is very interesting.

    it’s definitely cheating. i would be greatly insulted if and when my partner will engage in this.

    wendy’s last blog post..So Many Things To Do, So Lacking of Discipline To Do Them All

  10. I totally believe it’s cheating. Whenever emotion is involved and the person is sharing a part of themselves with someone else (even virtual), it’s cheating.

    Another sign is that it’s kept secret. If the person feels the need to keep it secret, there’s a reason….. It’s Cheating.

    Maria@Conversations with Moms’s last blog post..A Mother’s Instinct

  11. Jude says:

    Actually there is no grey area cyber sex friendships are cheating with the mind I would hate for my mate to be involved with someone online.

    Jude’s last blog post..Sharing Memories

  12. I firmly believe that any type of relationship that takes away from quality time of your significant other is a form of cheating. If you are online and in a relationship and engaging in any type of relationship be it cybersex, long conversations, intimate details and more you are cheating and you should really look at the relationship you are in.

    revitalizenow’s last blog post..Working on The Front page!

  13. Verusmom says:

    Ok there is casual conversations we have online with people that live faraway, but once we have to start sneaking around you feel guilty and mostly its because you already know the answer. If you say I dont know you suspect or you wouldnt be hiding it.

  14. Definitely cheating Tina. I totally agree.

    Belle Bamford’s last blog post..BEAUTY SCHOOL DROP-OUT

  15. Russell says:

    i definitely think this gets tricky and must be evaluated for each couple. some couples might not care about online friendships growing but others might have real issues with even a simple e-mail. so it all varies.

    i think, as cliche as it is, communication is the key because so much of the whole idea of cheating revolves around deceit. but if a couple can openly talk about what is ok and not ok, then it prevents a lot of drama. i know it’s easier said than done.

    Russell’s last blog post..Day 21: I Can’t Stand the Rain

  16. lazyking says:

    Cyber sex is cheating!! no doubt about that

    lazyking’s last blog post..Uh-Oh

  17. Hi Tina, I agree with you, cyber sex, without your partner’s knowledge, is cheating, no doubt about that. A platonic friendship on the net with a person who is 1000′s of miles away, someone who from time to time leaves a casual comment on your blog, that is ok, on condition that you dont have to hide it from your partner, coz as soon as you have to hide something, you feel guilty and then you are cheating. That is my opinion, and I base that on my own experience, my wife reads my blog at her office, she has full acces to all the comments as I have no control over what she reads and I dont have to be scared that she is going to learn something she should not. I also watched your video, really great and spot on!
    Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog, what you said makes absolute sense.
    Thanks again.
    Colin

    sexy legs and body’s last blog post..A FEW NEW LEGS…..AND FACES.

  18. femmepower says:

    I believe it is cheating no matter how hard one tries to deny it (or maybe take an open-minded view on it). I don’t think any partner wouldn’t be affected in any way if the other half is into an intimate cyber relationship with someone else.my hubby had a friend whose wife was into this cyber thing and eventually,the marriage went sour until they separated.

    femmepower’s last blog post..Happy Father’s Day!

  19. Dorothy L says:

    There is a definite fine line when it comes to online relationships.

    One knows when one is crossing over that line.

    People try to justify online relationships as being nothing more than harmless correspondence.

    When one begins to hide that correspondence or it becomes questionable to their partner…there is definitely something being crossed at this point.

    Any type of discussions between two people should maintain boundaries otherwise it will become a risk of cheating.

    When there is no intent, there is no crossing the line :)

  20. Nelia says:

    I think whether or not cyberspace sex and friendships are considered cheating varies according to couple. In this day of polyamory and open relationships, the definition of committed relationships is seemingly becoming more and more flexible.

    Love the video blog. I can’t wait for the next round!

    Nelia’s last blog post..Saturday Pillow Talk : Nagging

  21. Barrett says:

    It is cheating, any emotional or physical relationship outside the relationship whether it is hidden or out in the open is cheating. You may tell yourself it isn’t and your partner may tell them self it isn’t but it is probably still hurting them.

  22. Special K says:

    Yep! It’s cheating…if someone is hiding it, you know it can’t be good…

    Special K’s last blog post..Stronger than you know

  23. Marty J. says:

    I think that when you cross the emotional line and the relationship becomes personal, you may not be technically cheating, but you’re well on your way, especially if you’re being secretive about it. My attitude is you’re better off just talking to your partner. That’s what I try to do, anyway.

    Marty J.’s last blog post..The Comeback Tour

  24. I think any kind of emotional relationship can be deemed as being unfaithful, depending on where your heart is. Plus, internet porn with a stranger is CREEPY.

    Julie@Momspective’s last blog post..Fitness Friday – Take Care Of Yourself

  25. K says:

    I think can be a gray area. I blog and my husband knows about it, but I’m very careful not to let it take time away from our relationship.

    I also certainly don’t have cyber sex with anybody else or cross those lines.

    K’s last blog post..Dear Baby

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